People often tend to get too caught up with finding love until they forget about the actual meaning of the whole premise itself. Relationship is a tricky business. As easy as it is to shrug it off and blame it on the other person for every failed romance, there are certain things everyone needs to accomplish in their own life before they can be a good partner:
1. Check Yourself
Don’t focus on finding a partner, but concentrate on building a sturdy relationship with yourself first. You can’t expect someone to love you when you don’t even love yourself. Rectify the areas of your life that are off-balance such as your emotional needs, job related issues or better, give yourself an appearance upgrade so you can appreciate yourself more! As a result, you’ll get in touch with your best self and be able to attract positive vibes, which in return will draw that authentic kind of romance you’ve been waiting all your life for ❤️.
2. Your Story
Yes, everyone might know your name but not your story, but here’s the thing: are you aware that you’re not the only one with bizarre, somewhat remorseful life experiences? For some people, forgiving is not in their dictionary but they opt to forget instead. Trust us, we learned the hard way that the self-thought logic isn’t necessarily fruitful. Although it may be the hardest thing to do, you need to forgive yourself. Let go of what was, or what should have been and focus on the now. Take control and start creating a positive outlook. One simply cannot be present if they keep looking backwards.
3. Focus on the bigger picture
Fun, change, and growth, does not suddenly end when you aren’t in a relationship. You know, being single is one of the best times to learn a lot of cool new things and start to love food, music, culture, and hobbies that you’d never even heard of before. Focus on living, don’t put your life on hold just because you can’t find love. Plus, it’s not like you emerged from your momma’s womb together with a significant other right away. There must be an extremely lit reason as to why you were brought into this world in the first place, and you should figure that out, it’s your goal. Consider finding love as a wonderful bonus in your life story 🎁.
4. Your Wall
Every independent individual who’ve had enough of this vicious game of romance knows how to build a wall, but sometimes can be too solid that you completely forget how to make it descend when a relationship opportunity approaches. Fear of being hurt by men is a norm, however, you have to forget the relationships that failed in order to move on to the next one. Insecurity often kills, so replace your anxiety with faith instead. This new guy is not the same person who left you stranded alone like a lonely widow years ago. Let your wall down, but don’t forget to care for your heart too.
5. Ask yourself, do you really need a boyfriend?
..Or are you just afraid of being lonely? People often misinterpret what they personally seek from a relationship, which might be things like marriage, kids, financial security and social respectability, juxtaposed to focusing on building a genuine, healthy relationship itself. You need to let go of your ‘hidden’ agendas/motives if you want it to truly work. No one deserves to be lured into a relationship with someone who’s planning on treating them as a possible means to an end.
6. Understand what you want
We’re not talking about the checklist of must-haves for your ideal partner, but a clear idea of the things you bring to a relationship, your value, and the reasons why someone would want to be dating you. Many remain clueless about what we want or need in a relationship, and then wonder why the divorce rate is sky high. Being certain of what you want from a relationship such as defining your emotional needs and personality type, will help you control your outbursts as well as for your future partner to understand on how to cope with you better.
7. Learn from the past
History repeats itself until we learn from it and change our path. In this game of love, you either acquire a person to be loved or lesson to be learned. Ponder upon your previous relationships, and decipher the reason those affairs never saw the light of working out when you knew it should have. What did you do? If you were a cheater once, look back as to why you did it in the first place. Perhaps, you did it unconsciously because you felt abandoned or you wanted out but didn’t dare to do so. You’re an adult now. Learn from your mistakes, and be prepared to make more responsible decisions in the future.
8. Support System
Have a support system, should this future relationship ever go south. Plus, life is always so much better when you’re surrounded by good company. It’ll make you feel less suicidal and not as depressed. Always wondered why Carrie from Sex In The City endlessly seek for approval of her love interests from her crew? Well, because your friends actually cares about your well-being and they only want the best for you. So when they say “Um.. Idk babe,” about your new guy, think twice.
9. Prepare to be real
In order for you to attract an honest, no bullsh-t relationship, you have to clear the decks and be ready to become an honest communicator yourself. Did you constantly lie to your exes before? If so, you might need to change your attitude. Treat your man like how you wanna be treated, ladies. The good news is that communication patterns can be worked on and improved pretty much every second of your waking life. Remember, positive energy attracts positive people 🌸.
10. Don’t change for anyone.
Believe that you’re worth a million bucks and deserves to be loved unconditionally. Avoid settling for anything less. If someone is ever not treating you the way you deserve to be treated, you can leave, not change your whole beliefs and image just to adapt to his lifestyle. A relationship ends as soon as you stop consenting to it, and self-preservation doesn’t make you a bad person. Focus on yourself before prioritising on a flaky romance. Don’t ever lose yourself.
11. Just let it happen
Seek for love, but don’t treat it as a goal. Most people fail at finding romance because they’re looking at the wrong places. Do not force anything either, as the universe will reveal your soulmate once both of you are ready for the wonderful roller coaster adventure. If it’s meant to be, it will be. As for now, you shall wait for it to happen by itself, because the best kind of relationship happens when it’s free of pressure and extreme uncertainty.
Bonus tip: It’s best to be friends with your potential bae first before you decide to proceed with anything big. Happy new year! 🎉