Dear Ms. Lipstiq,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now, and in the beginning everything was perfect and peachy. In the past month, things have changed beyond drastically. My boyfriend has become overly obsessed with knowing my where-abouts and is always getting jealous about whoever I hang out with. Be it a girl or a guy, he’ll still find something to say about – sometimes it’ll be a sarcastic comment, and sometimes it’ll be right-out insults. For example, I had a reunion with my college friends just the other day, and though I informed him about it – he continued to be suspicious about everything. When I took too long to reply one of his text messages, he would start calling and shouting on the phone accusing me of doing inappropriate things. At one point, I ignored his phone calls and continued with my night because it was all too much to handle. It’s getting a little out of control, and I really don’t know how to bring it up to him. I’ve tried once or twice, but it only turns into a big fight and that makes things a lot worse. I don’t know what to do… I love him, and I want to be with him but all of this is a little too hard to handle. How do I approach him without having to get into a big fight? I just want understanding in between us. Please advice!
Well, we’re sorry that you have to deal with such a problem – but fear not! We’re here to get things straight. First things first, you said that you guys were together for nearly a year now, but this has only happened within the past month? Is that right? Well, is there something that has happened right before this all started. For example, something that you may have done or said to strike his nerve so drastically like this? If there was an incident that would’ve hurt him, then you may have found your reason. But either way, the next part of the issue is having to deal with what you are going through now. As difficult as he may seem, try to catch him on a good day and really sit him down. Be in control of the conversation – say everything you need to say, and if he interrupts remind him that you asked to talk and you want to say everything first. Bring up the situations you’ve gone through and ask him nicely why he did those things and what was going through his mind when he did it. Talking it out may cause a bit of tension, but it really is the only and best way for you to handle the entire situation. If that doesn’t work, you just have to ask yourself if all the arguing and jealous is worth it. Are you willing to continue doing this? Either way, do what is right for you and what makes you feel better about yourself. Keep your chin up, and be strong!