The three toughest things in life are the study of History, Science and… WOMEN! (if I do say so myself). You know what – even History and Science can be studied, but WOMEN! Yeah, ya never know what’s going on in her head. Oh, where are my manners? Nice to meet you, I’m Viv, a women myself!
Truth be told, even I don’t understand myself most times. Sometimes, I sit down and ask myself “What the f*vk is it that you want, bish?” So, if you are a guy and you get confused all the time by what women say, I feel you, boy!
Here’s the thing – and I know for sure that most women will agree with me on this – we women don’t mean what we say! Not in a bad way, of course. But most times, women say something, but actually mean the complete opposite. And boy, if she does this, you just pissed the sh*t outta her. Women – being mad is more destructive than Lucifer tryna take over the world.
So, if you have a pair of balls and can’t seem to figure out those who think with their vaginas, lemme help you. Here is a list of things women may say that mean the exact opposite.
1. You Pick/You Decide
Boy, if your woman says this when you ask her where you guys are going for lunch, the bish is literally saying “You choose what I want”. When she says “You can pick,” boy, she ain’t giving you the freedom to pick. She is demanding that you pick a restaurant or location that she wants to go to.
So really, it’s not your pick, but it’s hers. She just wants you to say it out loud. You may ask: why can’t we just make the decisions ourselves then? WE DON’T KNOW, OKAY!
2. I’m Fine
HAAA! We’re not fine, just cause we say “I’m fine”? OK? No! – we’re not fine, okay?
You messed up, you hurt our feelings, and you’re going to pay for it! Yes, I’m fine – on the outside. If you could see inside your woman’s mind when she says she’s fine – you will legit find this image in her mind:
She is strangling you to death, and right when you’re about to die, she stabs you multiple times. She then dismantles you with her own bare hands and buries your now torn-up body right at the murder scene.
I swear though, we girls are really nice!
3. Oh, You’re Gonna Wear That?
Go upstairs, and change right now! Alright? Like, I don’t gotta repeat myself. When we say this, we are questioning what you are wearing. We’re not complimenting and neither are we stunned in a good way, whatsoever. Okay?
It’s that simple – get that in your head, testicle owners!
4. Just Tell Me, I promise I Won’t Get Mad
You wish, boy! The minute you open your mouth to tell me what you did, I’m already plotting an abduction and murder scene in my head. But, guess what? You’ll never know, cause we girls will put on the sweetest face ever and wait till you finish confessing your sins! And then, we’ll hit you with hell fire.
5. Who’s Angela?
Or, whoever that bish’s name is that’s texting you – yeah! – delete her from your life! And, when we ask – “Oh, who’s she?” – it means, get rid of her before we do! Us asking about that ho doesn’t mean we are interested in you guys’ “friendship” – it’s a signal for you to stop texting bishes!
6. Oh, Sure You Can Go Out!
Sure, you can go out, hunting and camping with your buddies. But, when you come back, I will go for a month-long vacation with my girlfriends and you won’t even see me!
Have fun camping, baby!
7. What’s Mine Is Yours
Yes, to a certain point! Not everything that we girls own is yours, buddy! Only, some things that are mine are also yours. MOST THINGS ARE MINE – including you!
8. I’m On My Period
Here’s the thing about periods though – I can’t speak for all ladies, cause our moods are all different. But when we girls are on our period, you gotta adjust to our mood swings. Now, I want you to cuddle me, and, in a while, I want you to get the f*ck outta my face! Alright? Also, where are our roses?
We have a bleeding vagina and our ovaries are in a war right now, so, don’t you think we at least deserve roses? Or, would you also like to see your balls bleed?
9. I’m Sorry, It’s My Fault
Oh, boy! If you guys get into a fight and, out of nowhere, she pulls out this phrase, you better say “Oh no baby – I AM SORRY!” Cause you should be and remember – a wifey is never wrong! Cheers!
If you would like to save your marriage, I suggest you apologize first. And also, when she says she’s sorry – the bish doesn’t mean it. She is saying it, so you would apologize and prove her innocent.
10. Leave Me Alone
Um, excuse me? You better get your pretty boy a$$ here and cuddle me to sleep!
Leave me alone = We are stuck for life.
11. I Hate You
Bro, she loves you so freaking much! Although, I know” I hate you” means that I strongly dislike you – but, for women, it’s how we profess our love for you.
I hate you = I love you with all my heart and I’d die for you!
But, of course, in some cases, we really do hate you and will not hesitate to push you off a building. So, yeah!
Well, how are you guys holding up?! I hope I didn’t shock you. Anyways, I just wanna say, we girls are precious, lovely, kind, sweet and romantic – IF, you understand us just right! But, in all honesty, we do love our men and occasionally, we can be a little, teeny-weenie bit CRAZY!
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