With the help of social media, we now have access to endless relationship advice from different relationship gurus and therapists online. One common thing that they talk about is how to spot a toxic relationship, or a toxic partner. However, it’s also important that we check in with ourselves from time to time and see if WE are the toxic ones in a relationship.
Spotting a toxic relationship from a third person perspective may be easy, but it can be hard when you’re in one, especially if you’re the one who’s being toxic. Being in a relationship requires a lot of effort from both sides to make it work, but sometimes, what you think is “saving” the relationship might actually be ruining it. Here are some signs that YOU might be the toxic one in the relationship.
You’re always threatening to break up
Threatening to break up, a.k.a emotional blackmail, won’t solve anything. Rather, it would make things worse. This tends to happen when nothing else seems to work and threatening to leave the relationship seems to be the most effective tactic. It’s a form of manipulation where you try to control your partner’s behaviour by weaponising their feelings for you!
You don’t give them personal space
It’s important to have healthy personal space for both of you, no matter how long you’ve been together. FYI, wanting personal space has got nothing to do with wanting a breakup! It’s about growing as individuals and making individual choices. It goes without saying that spending too much time together can make you co-dependent, which can also harm the relationship. As the saying goes, “Distance makes the heart grow fonder”, so make sure to leave some space for your partner and yourself!
You’re losing touch with your friends
If you find yourself burning bridges or losing touch with your friends, it may be a tell-tale sign of a toxic relationship. This may be due to you only spending time with your significant other, or that you haven’t been treating your friends right. Most of the time, people who engage in bad behaviours don’t realize they’re bad, so try reaching out to a friend that you haven’t spoken to in a while so that you can see the error of your ways.
You avoid conflict
The first thing that may come to mind when you hear “toxic relationship” is constant fighting. However, avoiding conflict can also lead to a toxic relationship. It might seem like the healthy way to do things, since you’re “keeping the peace”, but it’s important to always communicate with your partner about your frustrations or disappointments towards a situation. Avoiding conflict won’t solve anything!
Manipulation can range from gaslighting, lying, withholding information, passive aggressiveness, guilt tripping, silent treatments, love-bombing, making comparisons and so on. The thing about manipulation is that it’s insidious, and you might not even realize that you’re doing it! All the more reason to recognize your bad behaviours in a relationship.
You’re always playing the victim
If you find yourself blaming everything that went wrong in your relationship on your partner (or others), you’re being toxic. Playing the victim can only go so far, so you need to take responsibility for your actions and the role you played in the relationship. Remember: You are responsible for your own feelings, actions, and well-being – not your partner!
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