Sometimes, somehow, we tend to think we are the center of our own universe – which is true. It’s your life, you are the pilot of your own ship, so don’t let anyone control your wheelhouse. But certain situations or events might trigger and affect how you’d react and reflect. You take it personally, even when it has little to do with you – and that is a constant hurdle.
I understand that this year has aroused everyone’s anxieties. Including mine. Arranging self-time off, giving gifts for all those we love to make them feel better, a frenzied uptick in our workload to wrap the year up, and that precious time spent with our loved ones. Most of us adore our families and friends, but they don’t come without their share of complications and conflict. Politics, the result of leading separate lives, age gaps, and so on can all leave us in a vulnerable state of angst and worry. Which also applies to our partners.
So how do we prevent ourselves from absorbing it all, or, shall we say, ‘’taking everything personally?’’ Of course, there are disagreements, intergenerational trauma, belief differences, and more. But when is it appropriate for us to voice out our emotions – and when do you need to leave it as it is? Thanks to 2021, I have finally learned all of it on my own.
First, try to change your perspective and imagine yourself in their shoes. Ask yourself some questions to shift the spotlight. “Could they be jealous or envious of you? Maybe they have insecurities. What is their family role? How long have you guys known one another? Something happened in the past that they couldn’t let go of?’’ Try to understand what the person is feeling and thinking and what their capacity to convey it is. Your sister might see you living the life they wished they’d actualized for themselves. Your bestie might think you’re more career-oriented than they are. Remember that this feeling is theirs, not yours, even if it’s being pushed on you verbally and energetically.
Next, try to envision yourself in 5 years. Ask yourself, what was just said, does it really matter? And will it impact you in the years to come? If it’s not worth fussing over, let it go. Emotions are not something to be pressed down, so let yourself feel them. But don’t allow yourself to linger around for too long. Become emotionally well-lubricated. “Letting go” seems to be a purification but of course, that takes practice. Trust me, I’m still stuck at this level – but there’s a progression.
Last but not least, try not to jump to conclusions. Before you react, inhale and consider if the comment that they just made really projects you as a person, or on differing beliefs based on their upbringing or past traumas? If you know a lot about their past and their current traumas, meet it with compassion. But then again, bear in mind that having ‘’a trauma’’ is not an excuse to lash out at someone else. Learn the differences between helping them get out of their circumstances and leaving the situation where you’re constantly getting picked on. You know best.
How about you learn more here: Relationship Vs Mental Health: Dating The Wrong Person Could Trigger Anxiety