We love watching rom-com movies and series because they depict ‘fairytale’ romances that, honestly, don’t exist in real life. With modern love, individuals – both male and female – have become so obsessed with their own lives that hook-up culture makes more sense than a fully committed, long-term relationship.
Words like “marriage” and “life-partner” are foreign jargon to them because of commitment impairment. Can we blame them, actually? The entertainment industry and modern culture have shifted what ‘love’ actually means. No wonder we have a ton of reality dating TV series sprouting everywhere – The Bachelor, Too Hot To Handle, Bachelor in Paradise, Love Island and Love is Blind – all of which portray an unconventional journey in the realms of dating and romance. Whether or not their relationships mean anything in reality, or are meant to last long, it all depends on their motives, not so much about love.
There was so much hype going on about Love is Blind that I decided to give it a watch – although I think blind dating and worse, getting engaged and saying “YES” to someone without knowing them is completely insane.
My verdict: This show is created purely for out-of-the-box content for dating and relationships, and there’s so very little relationship takeaway. If you think watching shows like this will help you with your love life, it’s time to get a reality check, because in real life, there are so many elements, issues, and perspectives to consider seriously before you actually say “YES” to your partner.
However, it did strike me a couple of times that some of the things these couples say, think or want, actually make sense. I don’t think the whole show makes much sense, but some aspects of the relationships nail the point of marriage. Let’s break it down!
1. It’s not all about looks
The show is all about finding your ‘true love’ through emotional connection – not so much about the physical aspects. If you’re able to bond and have fantastic chemistry from the many options available, you may have found the ‘right one’ for you. In reality, however, it’s important to find someone who you get along well with, but you’re in search of a life partner, not BFF. So choose wisely. You’ve heard of ‘opposites attract’, so be open to people, even those you might have opposing perspectives with. It’s finding the deep connection that will last a lifetime. Don’t get too hung up on tiny surface issues. Think long-term.
2. Physical and emotional chemistry are equally important
In the show, once you accept a proposal, only then can you see the person you agreed to marry. Weird, I know, but that’s how it is. Notice that some couples are ecstatic about seeing how ‘hot’ and ‘sexy’ their partners are, while some are engulfed with uncertainty. Looks, size, colour, ethnicity, etc., are unfortunately still the main deciding factors for relationships – but I think it’s slowly shifting towards emotional connection. You need to like the person you’re going to see for the rest of your life. So don’t be entirely oblivious to physical attraction. We’re humans and we need to satisfy our physical as well as emotional needs. For some, how someone looks doesn’t matter as much as their character; whilst some need their partner to have decent looks and a great personality. None of it is wrong, just a matter of opinion and choice.
3. Even if you’re not 100% about someone, that’s okay
When we finally meet someone compatible, we feel that they’re going to be a ‘perfect fit’ for us – in terms of physical attributes, character, compatibility and life goals. However, know that not every box will or needs to be checked in order to spend a lifetime with someone. If some boxes are unchecked, that’s fine, the both of you will find a way to work through it – if the foundation of understanding and communication is clear. Some people come into our lives to fill in the gaps that exist in us, and vice versa. Our partners are there to make our lives complete. Know that they’re meant to be with us to enrich our lives and future.
4. Accept that there will be changes
Ok, there will be a lot of changes once you start living with your partner. Your bachelor pad is no longer a personal space for yourself, but a place to build a life with another person who you care for a lot. Sharing everything – from your house, car, friends, and family is not something easy. It’s like opening a Pandora’s box. People are very private when it comes to their personal lives, so know that adjusting and living with someone will take time, even though it’s weird or uncomfortable in the first few weeks or months. Be open, willing and adapt. Your couch may not be in the same position, the colour of your house may change, the look and feel or your bedroom will change, and so will many other things. Understand that your life is evolving and shifting from a bachelor’s to a family’s. Give your partner the freedom to feel comfortable and allow them to adjust at their pace. It’s never easy leaving your own home to go somewhere new and calling it your ‘home’.
More on relationships? Read this:
Stuck On You: How Your “Attachment Style” Might Be Affecting Your Relationships