Featured image: @/vivianhoorn
Hello, dear friends. Today’s topic is how to spice up your bedroom game. In a relationship, most couples manage to find their own ways to keep things saucy between them – be it sharing the same love for a dessert flavour, binge-watching horror flicks every weekend, working out together, impromptu photo-shoots and of course, spending their lazy Sundays under the duvet doing who knows what *wink*.
Anyhow, when it comes to sex in a committed relationship, people have all kinds of different desires, fantasies, needs, fears, and limits in the bedroom. Healthy dialogue and collaborative negotiation can help you keep things hot and mutual, especially if you have a discrepancy in your desire or sexual interests. It’s not wrong to ask for more – hello, everyone has their needs.
If you were to ask me for my suggestion, I would just say, ‘’Just straight away tell your partner that you want more.’’ But then, I understand that different people have different views when it comes to pre-, mid- and post- love making. You may want to cuddle after sex, and your partner may be too warm and want space. Neither of you is wrong, but effective compromise is key to making sure you both get enough of what you need from each other, so resentments are kept at bay.
Choose The Right Time
I’d suggest that after dinner, when the both of you have settled down for the day, this is the best way to discuss sex. But if you know your partner is a morning person and more bubbly at 8 in the morning, shoot for it. Just plan accordingly. Give yourselves the best foundation to be able to have a meaningful dialogue, when you are rested, fed, and ready to talk.
Be Clear On What You Want
Make sure you have your list ready. Are you asking for more frequent sex? Different kinds of sexual play? New sex toys? More eye contact? To include porn? Whatever it is that you imagine will require compromise – so get curious about what your desire means to you, and what it means to your partner.
Ask For Their Views
Just as much as you guys compromise in other aspects of your relationship, the same goes for sexual needs. Let them know you are eager to learn more about how you can please them better, too. If your partner is hesitant to try something new, or meet you halfway, in a nonjudgmental way, get curious with them about what holds them back. Ask, ask, ask.
Plan The Best Way To Start
Now, onto the best part, the action. Find a way to inch closer to that activity by incrementally introducing more bite-sized activities. Starting small, and in a way designed to build a positive association to every behavior, can make the out-of-reach activity seem more feasible.
