This one’s for the domesticated, the hopelessly attached, the caged girlies. Kidding! Being in a relationship is fun and exciting, especially if you’re in a new one. However, it’s also important to set healthy boundaries, so that you and your partner will understand each other’s limits so that you’ll know what you are and aren’t OK with. It creates trust and builds greater self-esteem among the both of you, which can ultimately benefit your relationship!
I, myself, have struggled with setting healthy boundaries in relationships, sometimes even crossing them! It sounds easy, but it actually requires a lot of patience and practice. This is especially important if you’re in a new relationship. Everything might seem perfect and easy, but conflict in relationships are inevitable. That’s why we absolutely NEED boundaries. I am in no way a relationship expert, in fact, I’m the complete opposite of that! I’m a dummy when it comes to relationships, but like you, I’m still learning, and understanding more as it goes. It goes without saying that everyone has a different set of boundaries, here are some of mine:
No name calling/profanities during a fight
As I mentioned above, fights are inevitable when it comes to relationships. Words like ‘b*tch’, ‘stupid’, ‘a*shole’ and so on are off the table during an argument! Profanity might be a normal thing for you to say on the daily, but you have to take into account your partner’s feelings, especially when your relationship is facing some turbulence. Plus, it’s a slippery slope to verbal abuse. So, make sure to recognize whenever someone in the relationship is being disrespectful during a fight.
Stonewalling, a.k.a avoiding conversations. This is a major red flag for me, since communication is key in relationships. Though I understand that it is a coping mechanism for some people to avoid conflict. So, if you feel like you need some alone time to process, instead of refusing to talk to your partner, just be open about it while still reassuring your partner that you still care for them. On the other hand, if your partner is doing this to you, tell them how much communication you need.
No weaponizing the relationship
Threatening to breakup will only make things worse, because it shows that they’re willing to make you feel unsafe in the relationship. As a person who has anxiety, this one’s a BIG no no for me. I mean, I’m already anxious as it is, the fear of losing someone will just make me go insane. So, if your partner is doing this to you, they’re toxic and you should run.
No texting/calling 24/7
This one might be hard for some people, but it is so important. Personally, I always try to spend time with my partner in person, while also being present for activities or people outside of the relationship. That’s why I don’t think it’s necessary to text and call your significant other 24/7, especially while they’re busy! It would show that you’re insecure about your relationship, and they might feel overwhelmed.
No making them feel guilty about spending time outside of the relationship
I’ll admit it, I’m guilty of crossing this boundary! But, I’ve said that I would like to be present for activities outside of the relationship, so it’s only reasonable that I provide them the same space as well. Just know that them spending time with other people and doing activities that doesn’t involve you, doesn’t always mean that they dislike spending time with you.
Respect what your partner is willing to do/ not willing to do during sex
No means NO! Your partner should respect what you’re comfortable with, and if you’ve said no, they shouldn’t keep asking! This applies to every part of sex, from whether they’re willing to respect your wishes of wearing protection, or doing sexual acts that you’re not comfortable with. However, it’s also important to remember that boundaries can change, so it’s okay to change your mind about what you’re comfortable with.
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