Chilling in bed with your S.O. and you suddenly feel sick thinking about their past attractions and relationships? Turns out, there’s a name for that: retroactive jealousy. It refers to jealousy and/or insecurity around your partner’s previous relationships. Like ordinary jealousy, retroactive jealousy is fairly common. It doesn’t always create problems, but, it can sometimes become obsessive and show up in unhealthy or destructive ways.
Strategies for breaking the cycle
1. Acknowledge that this is about YOU, not them
The first step to getting past this type of jealousy is to accept that you have a problem. By acknowledging that your thoughts and behaviors aren’t healthy, you are opening up the door for receiving the help you need. After all, understand that because of what happened in their past, they are now here, with you. And you can’t forget that even you have a past of your own, right?
2. TALK, TALK, TALK!
Communication is extremely crucial in relationships. Without it, how else will you explain to them what you are experiencing and what your needs are? Which is why talking to your partner is an important part of overcoming this form of jealousy. When you talk things out with your partner, you can more clearly see how your actions are affecting your relationship and your partner. And you can also get the reassurance you didn’t know you needed.
3. Breaking the patterns you’ve set up for yourself
You’ll need to resist the urge to snoop, argue, or probe into your partner’s past. Stop stalking your ex’s Instagram and stop asking subtle questions about their past if you know you’re just gonna get hurt. While it may be hard at first, resisting these urges is what puts a stop to the negative behavioral patterns that you’ve established.
4. Remind yourself of your self-worth
Remind yourself of your own self-worth. Repeating affirmations can help you put jealousy behind you and focus on what you bring to the relationship. And dude, you’re BEAUTIFUL. SO, SO beautiful, that it’s VERY unnecessary for you to compare yourself to others.
Overcoming retroactive jealousy is certainly difficult, but it’s definitely not impossible, okay? 🙂
