Men have extra-marital relationships for several reasons. The most common reason revolves around ego and the sheer excitement of an illicit relationship. Some call it leading “double lives”. We call it cheating. It’s not hard to tell if and when your other half is having an affair though they might go to great lengths to alter the reality of their sudden behavior change (read: lying). And yes, more often than not, lying comes hand in hand with cheating.
Now, before you go blindly accusing your man of cheating, look for the following telltale signs:
1. Sudden vanity
Start from the surface. Cheating boyfriends or spouses will suddenly display significant changes in their grooming habits. Suddenly your boyfriend decides that he wants to look better? It would usually mean more than just vanity. Try a complete change of heart. Is he buying new aftershaves or colognes (and happily ditching the ones you previously bought him)? Did he recently decide he wants a new wardrobe for no apparent reason? Then maybe he’s trying to please someone in his life – and it’s not you.
2. Acting distant
As soon as he gets close to another person in his life, it is only a normal reaction for him to pull away from his other half. It’s usually an unconscious act. Is he suddenly working late in the office more often than usual although he’s never had the workaholic streak in him? Is he suddenly going away on “work trips”? Is he even really “working”? Or just naturally drawn to the newfound as his attachment increases day by day?
3. Virtual love
Oh, the Internet. Don’t we all love how convenient it’s all set up to be? Convenience and technology aside, the Internet makes it so easy for temptations. Is there a sudden increase of him spending time on the computer (especially after you’ve gone to bed)? It’s not that hard to find out although he might’ve set up new accounts for various virtual communication channels without you knowing about it. If your gut feeling is telling you that something’s wrong, find the evidence.
4. Secret calls
Sometimes, it can be quite amusing to watch a man jump in alarm when his phone rings. Especially when he’s hesitant to answer the call in your presence. And no, it wasn’t his mother or boss calling. Then he answers it, and suspiciously whispers into the phone or worse, walks away out of earshot to take the call. Two things – either he doesn’t trust you with super-secret work matters or, he’s cheating. Plain and simple. Yes, it’s hard to trace if he just seems to be spending that extra few hours on WhatsApp or BBM. But in the case of phone calls, itemized billing is your best friend.
Only you are most familiar with what usually happens behind closed doors. If he’s suddenly not interested in having sex with you, it’s not because you’ve become unattractive overnight. And no, you don’t need to lose weight. Put down those diet pills or replacement meal shakes. If your other half has a sudden, out of character change in his sex life, then maybe it’s because he has been getting all the action elsewhere. What do you do? Quite literally, sniff him out. Is there a smell of an unfamiliar perfume on his body or his clothes? Does he have extra condoms stashed in the glove compartment of his car or in his wallet?
6. Hello Mr. Hyde
In all cases of cheating spouses or boyfriends, the most obvious sign of the claim is when his behavior changes. He may start to criticize you mercilessly for no apparent reason, or try to nitpick or find fault in most of the things that you do. When someone else is occupying his mind, this could be the only way that works for him. Has he been getting irritated very easily whenever you ask him questions? Does he get defensive often? He may even start forgetting those plans and dates that you two held so dear, or call them off with no good reasons. Tick those off your checklist as you go along.
7. Bills, bills, bills
Leading two lives will cost him. When a man is having an affair, money swiftly goes out of his bank account into other expenditures. Flowers, wining and dining, romantic gifts, and dirty weekend getaways on the pretense of “working trips” all add up to the extra weight he has to pull to keep an illicit relationship going. Or rather, extra cash he has to spend. How do you find out whether he has been spending more money than usual? Bank statements, check stubs, and credit card bills don’t lie.
Finding out that your other half has been cheating on you is extremely devastating. Believe us; nobody likes to be cheated on. Especially when it seems like all you did was just look away for half of a second and suddenly, you find yourself part of the “infidelity in a relationship” statistic.
If the signs are there, don’t ignore it. But don’t strangle him for it. Take it as a time to approach him (with evidence, of course) and openly discuss what’s happening. Then choose whether you two want to remain together or go separate ways. More importantly, you need to decide what’s best for you.