OPINION: "I Was Emotionally Abused by My Ex-Boyfriend, But I Survived"

Over it all

I never told many this, but I’m making it public to the world. And from exposing this piece of fact about myself, I’m also hoping my ex doesn’t come at me with an axe because that would be scary as hell. But here it goes..

I used to date an abusive man.

There was no head-punting or ropes involved, but emotional and psychological torture still constitutes as abuse. I suffered in silence, mainly because I didn’t think it was anyone’s business and truth be told, I’m too proud to admit something that makes me weaker.

I don’t want to go into detail as to how he abused me, but I think every woman should have the right to know what counts as abuse. The simple rule of thumb – He makes you do things you don’t want to, or he makes you feel uncomfortable about yourself, the things you do, and what you believe in.

Casually enjoying the finer things in life – food

But here’s a quick question revolving the notion of friendzones and bad boys – Do girls really enjoy being with men who treat them like dirt? I’ve been with men who push me around, yet I still find it hard to resist being in their company. We’ve all friendzoned the nice guy who’s there when we need them and show signs of sincere affection, yet here we are falling for the dirt-bag you gave your vintage newspaper collection to because he’s a “history buff” and never even bothered to say thank you.

So, why are we so attracted to men who treat us like crap? Is it a hunter-gatherer mentality that’s not left our minds since the age of mankind? Or do we simply like pursuing something we cannot have? Do we constantly yearn for a struggle, and when we do find someone, we just settle for the sake of settling for fear of being alone?

I won’t deny that my ex-boyfriend was everything I could ever wish for aesthetically. He was stylish, strong, handsome, nice beard, and he was really something to look at! But I think the whole concept of judging a book by its cover plays an important role in this case. A beautiful casing has no significance to what the contents are like. And I will admit that he swept me off my feet with his charm, but was it all worth the emotional torture? Not at all.

My first instinct should have been to run. But I was alone at that point of my life and I wanted someone in my life that I could confide in. Unfortunately, the nature of our relationship ended up being the secret I had to keep to myself.

But after all that, I want my readers, friends and family to know that I’m not weakened from that experience. I may have been silenced to keep it to myself, and I may have been afraid to open myself up to another person, but that silence and loneliness kept me alive and that fed the strength and confidence I have today.

I may not be the same person I was before. I have changed, more grown-up when it came to approaching the topic of love and romance, but my past with an emotionally cold man will never be forgotten. Not that I simply can’t forget it, but I simply won’t.

Who needs boyfriends when you have BFFs?

I won’t let go of it because it made me who I am today. I may be more timid with men than I generally was, but every experience in life is an experience, right? If you’ve ever been treated in any way you’ve felt uncomfortable over, don’t be afraid to share it with someone you trust. An extra ear will help you cope with your personal troubles. I urge that you pledge to make it part of your life. A piece of your history that makes you a stronger.