We often see couples around who simply don’t match. As friends who care, we refrain from making bets on how long they’ll last or telling your friend the sad truth that he’s just not meant for you. People will try regardless, just to prove everyone else wrong. Opposites attract and while the personality differences may seem all the more attractive as you both venture into unchartered territory, things may not seem like a bed of roses as you both find yourself practicing tolerance and compromise more and more each day rather than acceptance.
DIFFERENT HABITS
He’s a boring accountant who prefers spending time after work with a glass of wine in hand and a good book in the other. You’re a PR associate and your favourite colors are pink and purple with a dash of gold. Good news is, you like your drinks too, but in a nightclub where the music is blaring and dancing is mandatory. What with work, you both probably have limited time together but choose to wind down the day differently resulting in even less time spent together.
This may result in the both of you arguing when making plans. Giving in to each other’s wants may keep the peace for the time being but when it’s too one sided, there will be tension. Some couple opt to spend time apart doing things they like instead of forcing the other to reciprocate. Guy spends his weekends with the boys playing futsal, watching football and hitting the pub while girl goes shopping, has sleepover with the girls and clubbing, all without meeting each other. The whole point of a relationship is to spend time with one another doing things together.
Most times, the guy would want his other half to hang out with him and his friends but there may be awkwardness especially when she doesn’t get their humor or can’t relate to their topics making her feel like an outsider. This happens vice versa as well. It’s important to want to be with each other at the end of the day otherwise, how are the both of you going to spend the rest of your life with each other? Friends come and go but lovers are for life.
SAVING VS SPENDING
When you have two people whose hobbies are shopping in a relationship, you know they’re both bound for financial trouble in the near future. If one of you is a thrift-nut with the other who spends without thinking twice, it really does not mean that you both will be financially secure. While you may be genuinely generous by always wanting to spend on others, throwing house parties or getting others gifts, this may make your other half unhappy. You might start accusing him of being cheap and this may lead to fights when you other half is simply looking out for your best interests. Sit down together and discuss your finances together on where the money should be spent, how much should be set aside for long term plans such as holidays, loans and emergencies.
Don’t just wait for things to get better between you and your partner whenever conflicts arise due to personality clashes. Habits and values don’t change quickly over time so thinking that you can coerce your other half into being more like you is highly unlikely. It doesn’t mean that the both of you are incompatible but by admitting these differences and attempting to work them out can make the both you stronger as a couple.
TOGETHER TIME
Giving in to what the other wants to do once awhile is fine. If you find that whenever one person makes a suggestion and the other immediately finds fault with it, you know that something needs to be done to solve it. Think about things you both like to do together like getting chores done, walking the dog, shopping for groceries. Making decisions together will make you both feel like a team and reinforce the bond you already have. You both can also find new things to do together.
At the end of the day a couple can have similar interests and values yet end up arguing due to miscommunication. Learn to listen and reflect on what the other has to say before coming to a conclusion. It’s important to not judge immediately and have mutual respect. What both sexes tend to do is to categorize their partners into the “All men/women are same” category which leads to further arguments and resentment. Be honest with one another and speak out before it’s too late!
