When you’re in a relationship, as it evolves into months and years, you would perhaps assume you know all about your partner, but then you could have hardly got a grasp on actual facts with regards to the smallest of details that would play a major role in your life when you are building a family together.
Relationships can always be rosy and merry when you’re in the loving phase, but true colours and real characters only emerge when you start living with them everyday.
Mostly, everybody claims to be on the same page about the things that really matter, like starting a family and career plans, thinking this is a particularly important matter but what about the extra trivial stuff that would question the existence of each other in the relationship one day?
Oftentimes, it’s too late to contemplate your relationship because it would have escalated quickly with the children involved.
Couples these days often forget that marriage is a deal that binds 2 families together and it’s not just about them being officiated in a ceremony. So inevitably, before getting hitched or engaged with your partner, there are some pertinent questions that need honest answering and questioning so you don’t ponder if this was actually the person you fell in love with later.
Your Respective Family Time
As you tie your relationship together legally, be aware you are also getting tied into your spouse’s family. So, try to discuss how close he/she is to their respective family and how often they spend time together. Certain families have joined families with a very close relationship and if you come from a small introvert family, this could be a bit too much to adhere to.
It may not be a problem before marriage, because after spending a sufficient amount of time together, the both of you would return back to your respective homes.
But something small like this might be an intimidating factor later when your spouse’s side of the family interrupts often by barging into your home as and when they like. If you are someone that likes a big crowd, this may not even be an issue, but a blessing in disguise instead. But for someone who values privacy, this might be a life crisis to go through!
So, have a chat with your significant other about it earlier before planning a marriage to have things work well on both ends.
Marriages of different religions are always a marriage of festivals with two different communities uniting together due to two distinctive individuals. Both would have their respective rituals and ways to have a traditional marriage carried out.
Discuss beforehand, the intended ceremony’s rituals based on each other’s religious beliefs. Don’t bring this issue up when your marriage is nearing, as it will only ignite conflict between the both of you, leading to a problematic family affair.
Second, the couple needs to decide beforehand on the religion of their children. This is a very essential matter that is always brushed aside but rains down as a snowstorm later. Have a mutual understanding of how this would be done, which would be beneficial for both husband, wife, and future children.
Don’t expect your spouse to make a sacrifice under the label of love, as it may only provoke problems in the future.
You would be surprised to find out how small petty house chore issues have led many couples to file for a divorce! When we highlight petty issues, it is named like when the husband refuses to carry his plate to the sink after eating, the wife not knowing how to iron, spouses become irritant with each other for the way in which a toothbrush is placed after being used.
These remain some of the reasons why Malaysian couples file for divorce.
When you spend time with your better half, observe how they are and how they behave towards certain simple household tasks. Teach or explain to them on how it’s done and make sure your partner takes the initiative to learn or to improvise.
If he/she is ignorant and expects you to compromise, well, those are obvious red flags to be aware of.
The Specifics Of Your Budget
Expenditure! Spending money lavishly or economically, money matters is at times like a little rock in your shoe. A very small issue that may leave you feeling very uncomfortable.
Your partner may be a person that spends money based on a monthly budget, you may be a person that spends first and worries later, but when you plan to run a family together this could be a big banger on the door.
At times spending first and worrying later may leave you broke for half of the month or without any emergency cash to fund you during emergency times. Running life with a budget and planning your money may be useful during crucial times.
But do remember, having a budget for everything and missing out on special occasions or canceling plans to stick to the budget, maybe a big no, no! Discuss matters as such prior to getting committed for life with your partner.
Setting Boundaries With Opposite-Sex Friends
Not every partner can accept their partner having a fond friendship with the opposite sex. A close relationship even in the name of friendship could aggregate conflicts when they share too much of their personal stuff with the other or when they tend to involve them in personal relationship issues between the both of you.
This may also lead to conflict when they spend too much time with their friend from the opposite sex or when they would have to equally spend time with the both of you in order to please you both. So, talk it out with your partner and understand how much of the relationship matters to them.
Make sure not to pour everything out and have a filter to what you say and share how you feel about it with your close friend always.
Some intimate details of your relationship or partner is only for you to know, letting such details out could only bring damage to your relationship when they start interfering in your personal matters. Remember, this issue may also question the position of your partner in the relationship!
A subject that could sink your whole relation-SHIP! At times, it may be sensitive to bring up this matter or to even have it as a topic of discussion, but realise this matter, plays the button to either fluctuate or deflate your relationship.
It could even unveil a bad ego of your partner at times, for being unable to accept their infertility issues.
And most times, this matter would most probably end up at the doorsteps of your families and certain parents would not be able to accept that their child is the one blamed for any infertility issues. They would only start poking the pin for a second marriage or burst into your marriage, like a wrecking ball.
So, if you have confirmed that the partner you are with, is the person you intend to spend your entire lifetime with, get issues surrounding each other’s fertility checked before saying the word, ‘I do’ to either find for resolutions or accept you, partners, fault and embrace it as it is!
Having a child biologically is not essential for a relationship;
Your genuine love towards one another and the understanding you build towards each other is the key element that would have you smile and be grateful at the end of they day, years later.
Hence, if you’re expecting to get married or engaged soon, try getting to know your partner deeper, with these points given. Trust me, it’s worth having a chat about all the matters mentioned above. It’s important to address them in the early stages, so there will be no regrets years down the road.
Mind you, this may hit some rough edges in your relationship and it might not be life’s simplest or even most fun-filled discussion, yet believe me, your future self will be eternally thankful for it!