Inmagine
Dear Lipstiq,
After a recent STD test, I was told by my gynecologist that I’ve recently contracted HPV (human papillomavirus). Being a sexually-active woman, I am aware of how it happened and what I can do to prevent it from getting worse. Thing is, I have yet to share this piece of information with my boyfriend. First and foremost, I’m a little embarrassed about sharing it with him and I am also quite worried that he’ll dump me.
I know I have to tell him because we’ve been together for 2 months now. Can you tell me how I should approach this topic of conversation with him?
Sincerely,
Helena
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We all have personal issues to reveal. Sometimes it’s a health problem, sometimes it about a troubled childhood that affects the way you are now, or sometimes it’s an STD you have to live with. Being in a healthy relationship means having to share a lot about yourself. A woman may develop an STD at any point in her life, and when you’re in a relationship, it’s an important fact about yourself to share. After all, you’d want your new beau to tell you if he’s got any STDs, right?
It can be a nerve-wrecking time for you, but it would be equally nerve-wrecking for him too. Here are a few pointers that might be helpful.
1. Decide on the right time
Timing is everything. Best is to plan a very private time together, just the both you. Avoid having this conversation in a public location like a restaurant because the last thing you want is a scene that everyone else knows about. Do it in the privacy of your own home and discuss this matter between the two of you. If you’ve not engaged in any sexual intercourse, it would be a good time to explain it to him way before you both get physical. If you have, avoid telling him about your HPV before going on a romantic getaway, or doing something intimate together. The chances of him leaving may be higher.
2. Be confident
We know it’s hard to expose something serious like this, but if you know every detail about HPV, from treatment to prevent it from transmitting, chances are your partner will feel more at ease about it. It’s also a good idea to plan ahead and prepare a brief script about what you intend to include. Do seek the help of your physician for information about HPV and how it can affect people around you.
3. Stay calm and listen
You’re not the only one that will have to do the talking in this situation. Chances are, your partner may want to let out a few things, but you’ll have to let him share his feelings at his own pace. It may be hard at first, but it’s important to know that you should not feel guilty for sharing something personal about yourself.
4. Encourage him to ask question
Your partner may not know everything about HPV, so you may need to prepare yourself with a few basic facts about HPV. This is where a doctor’s advice will help. Bring along a booklet or a pamphlet about the STD, or see a doctor together for some advice. Don’t force him, but it’s a good idea to suggest these things.
5. Don’t push or guilt your partner into making decisions
Of course, in such a delicate situation like this you’ll want acceptance and reassurance. But being in a relationship is not just about you. Give the person some space to deal with the information. Suggest that he takes some time to decide and call you when he’s ready. If he doesn’t end up calling or taking your calls, it may be time to move on.
We can’t stress enough how important it is to arm yourself with deep knowledge about HPV and other STDs. Once your partner knows that you’re committed to protecting yourself and him, the chances of him not worrying too much about it can be higher.
