If you been married a couple of years, you probably already know this. Your sex life will never be the same as it was when you were dating. Every married couple faces concerns that can cool the hottest love life. With a little effort and understanding, you may be able to up the tempo in the bedroom. Take note!
EMPHASIZE PLEASURE, NOT JUST THE BIG O
Pleasure and affection keep you close even when you don’t want sex. Exploration and touch without the expectation of intercourse or orgasm helps couples get to know each other’s bodies and needs — you learn what kinds of touch are pleasurable as a giver and as a recipient.
NURTURE EMOTIONAL INTIMACY TOO
Feeling understood, supported, and valued will make you both feel closer and therefore more receptive to physical closeness.
PLAN AHEAD
Experts say it’s the best way to ensure you’ll still be enjoying great sex when your life is complicated by kids, a house, stress, reduced sex drive, and times of conflict. Plan ahead. Sex-drive discrepancy? Busy schedule? Put s-e-x on the calendar. It’s a fact of life: Most of us married someone who wants sex more often or less often than we do. If you wait to feel turned on before you have sex, you’ll miss out on lots of great moments together. Let touching turn you on rather than expecting to feel aroused first.
HAVE REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
Even for the most happily married couples, more than 10 percent of sexual encounters aren’t even pleasurable for one or both spouses. An off night — maybe the sex is hurried, you’re tired or distracted, or simply uncomfortable — doesn’t mean you’ve got a big problem. It’s life. Don’t expect perfect sex every time — or wait for the perfect moment to pounce on your mate. Just connect!
DON’T USE SEX AS A BARGAINING CHIP
Angry? Say something — don’t grunt or “hmph” and roll over. Withholding lovemaking when you’re upset turns this deep, vulnerable connection into a nuclear weapon for power struggles. Adding layers of resentment to your feelings about physical intimacy is a surefire way to make sure neither of you will be in the mood.
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF A QUICKIE
You won’t always have all the time in the world for making love — and maybe you don’t already. Don’t overlook fast sex. It keeps the two of you in the intimacy loop, so you don’t jeopardize the compassion, happiness, romance, and understanding that sexual closeness can bring.
Surprise your man tonight with a new sexual outlook. He can send us a box of chocolates to show some gratitude!
