“Commitment”. Three little syllables that’s supposed to change your life forever and possibly for the better but to some men, it’s everything they are afraid of.
If it’s bad history or experience that’s causing the commitment-phobia, then his attitude needs changing. It could have been ingrained from the early years in his life, or stemmed from unresolved issues within him. But he needs to know that eventually, this will not only affect his relationship but also other decisions in his life.
“Realize that not everyone will use you, or is out to get you. Not everyone will cheat and leave. Until you get over yourself, you may never allow yourself to be in a beautiful relationship. You may never be able to wake up to the same person each day who probably loves you just as much as you love them (or more).”
Sure. Committing to a woman (or to anyone, for that matter) is serious business. It takes bravery, self-esteem, confidence, good judgement, and optimism. Not all men are up to it. So many people are still single simply because they fear commitment. Some people teeter between being in a relationship and not being in a relationship because of the same fear. And they are probably very lonely.
A person can be perfectly normal on the outside but on the inside, there’s a whirlwind of being afraid of rejection and loss. All of these contribute to commitment-phobia. He needs to identify them and fix himself first before attempting to make anything else work!
The best way anyone can do it is to deal with it head-on and face it. What was the term? “Fight fire with fire”? It’s either that or the relationship (or pseudo relationship) will not go anywhere or worse, end. If it’s really bad, seek professional guidance. He shouldn’t sabotage the relationship or bail without an explanation. Talk openly with your partner about his fears.
“If you’re with me and fear commitment, realize you need to deal with that fear or our relationship will either end or remain stagnant. You only have one life to live and you or rather, we, cannot live it fully as long as fear is holding you back.”
“Commitment”. Isn’t it funny how it measures the same amount of syllables as, “I love you”? Commitment can be beautiful but whether or not a man ultimately wants to settle down is up to him. Don’t pressure him – instead, walk him through it. He just needs to be aware of the reasons he might be commitment-phobic.
And just a word of advice, girls, we know it’s a painful process. But if he still refuses to man up to his fear then leave. Don’t wait around for him to grow out of this and grow up.
