Are guys the new best friends for girls and vice versa?
Welcome to the biggest relationship cliché in the history of men and women. Despite what you may have learned or heard growing up, men and women can absolutely be anywhere from good to best friends. Sure, everyone has heard someone say “you can’t be just friends with a member of the opposite sex” and a platonic relationship between a man and woman may not happen all the time but it is possible. After all, the single biggest reason that friendships between men and women fail is sexual tension.
I can vouch for the statement that men and women can be just friends as two of my best friends are of the opposite sex and I’m not the only one with best friends of the opposite sex. Today, we speak to three sets of best friends who are of the opposite sex.
Syaza Pauzi and Syafiq Ramlan – Best friends since high school.
*Syaza answers on behalf of the duo.
How did you two meet?
We met in high school, when we were in Form 1.
How long have you been friends?
Eleven years now.
Were there any romantic feelings or flirtation between the two of you throughout the friendship?
We never really flirted but we did have feelings for each other. It’s just never worked because it never happened at the same time so it wasn’t meant to be we guess.
Was it a case of the dreaded friend-zone situation?
Not really. I actually liked him when we first met but he didn’t feel the same way. Then after some time he liked me but I didn’t so in the end we just became really good friends and we still are the best of friends today.
What is the best thing about having a best friend of the opposite sex?
You can get the opinion of the opposite sex because we don’t really think the same way. So it’s nice to have views from the other side. It’s pretty good when it comes to dating because then we can ask each other’s opinion about the people we are seeing and the situation. Also it’s nice when sharing the same interest.
Do people often tell you that you should date? If yes, how do you react/respond to it?
Plenty of times. We just laugh it off because it’s nothing new to us. I mean dating your best friend will be the best thing ever but for us, we’re not meant to be. We are just meant to be best friends especially since we have been friends for so long, we kind of look alike too and it also doesn’t really help when our names are almost the same.
Despite the social believe that guys and girls can’t be just friends, you two have managed to be just that. How did you manage that?
Each person is different in their own way so maybe our personalities match really well together. There were ups and downs but we can always count on each other. Also because we are comfortable with each other so we never really tried to do anything to ruin that. It’s not impossible; it’s only impossible because you made it that way. Sure one of us did have feelings for each other but time helped us to overpass it and we realised that we are only meant to be best friends instead.
Andrew Tan and Jazelia Jasmene – Best friends since high school
How did you meet?
Andrew: We met through one of our mutual friends who we used to be close with. It’s funny because we actually got closer after some disagreements with the mutual friend of ours.
Jazelia: He was dating my junior in school, whom at the time I was close to, and eventually we remained friends but we chucked her out of the list. So, yes, it was Myspace and MSN.
How long have you been friends?
Andrew: About 8 years now I think.
Jazelia: Since 2007. About 7 or 8 years.
Were there any romantic feelings or flirtation between the two of you throughout the friendship?
Andrew: Hahaha… I was into her. She was never into me.
Jazelia: I think he was into me for awhile, but thank God we went passed that. He’s the kind of friend you’d want at your bachelorette party haha!
Was it a case of the dreaded friend-zone situation?
Andrew: Perhaps.
Jazelia: Not sure what kind of zone it was.
What is the best thing about having a best friend of the opposite sex?
Andrew: I guess the things that we can talk about are much deeper and broader. I don’t really share my stuff and feelings with my guy friends. To me, having someone as a best friend of the opposite sex can really open up your mind and change your perspective on matters and opinions comparing to having friends from the same sex especially men, because let’s face it, most of us are quite shallow. Having the company of someone from the opposite sex is much more fun and overall, you get to learn how others think and be more thoughtful with things and life in general.
Jazelia: He helps me out a lot in showing me different pieces of the bigger picture, since he’s also much older than me, and when I have relationship problems, I can always depend on him to give me, like, an explanation on what the other person is thinking. Also, I take his opinions of the guys I go out with rather seriously. He’s been right all this while. I never get to prove him wrong. He also knows my every flaw and bad experiences, which is good because he understands me more but he can always blackmail me. Haha…sigh!
Do people often tell you that you should date? If yes, how do you react/ respond to it?
Andrew: Not often. I just laughed it off as I don’t think we’ll ever get to that stage at all. Plus, I’m really happy with our friendship.
Jazelia: Not really. I mean, friends who know that we’ve been friends for almost a decade surround us and all of us have best friends of the opposite sex as well. So I think they can all relate. Usually when someone asks me why I’m not dating Droo, I just brush it off. Pretty much what Droo does in response.
Despite the social believe that guys and girls can’t be just friends, you two have managed to be just that. How did you manage that?
Andrew: I guess it’s just having the same mutual understanding with each other. We did have arguments, long periods of cold shoulders and all but somehow, we got through it. Learn to accept one another, regardless of how they are if you really love them as a person, as a friend or spouse.
Jazelia: Well, when you stop looking at each other as ‘the opposite sex’ and start looking at them as a soul and person who was meant to be your best friend, that’s when you can differentiate. It’s actually very simple.
Sofia Michael, Juliana Evans and Sher Mohamed – Best friends since college
Now this lucky guy, Sher, has not only one, but two best friends who are girls! Here’s what they have to say about their friendship.
How did the three of you meet?
Sher: We were university mates who at the time were studying at Sunway University College and granted we all had different groups of friends but when you’re in college, every somehow knows everyone, and our group of friends ended up being one giant group of friends. Anyway, long story short, we clicked really well and instantly became close and we’re now best friends.
Sofia: It was the same case for me, I met them in college.
Juliana: Well, I first met Sher at the side gate of Sunway College a couple of years back. He asked me “Hey are you the girl from KAMI?” I was like ‘Yeah’. And we clicked straight away after that.
How long have you been friends?
Sher: Close to a good 5 years now!
Sofia: About 4 to 5 years now.
Juliana: I think about 5 years now.
Were there any romantic feelings or flirtation between the two of you throughout the friendship?
Sher: Haha. No, never, not once. We in fact share stories and be each other’s wing person at times! I think that’s the beauty of having a best friend who is of the opposite sex.
Sofia: Nope, no romantic feelings or any flirtations that I know of. I’m pretty much a guy kind of girl so I’ve always felt more comfortable hanging out with guys.
Juliana: Not at all. Because when I’m around my guy friends, I am like a dude. And they treat like a dude too!
Was it a case of the dreaded friend-zone situation?
Sher: Definitely not, it was a choice made by us. We make better friends as compared to anything else.
Sofia: It really wasn’t actually. In fact, one of them introduced me to their cousin, who ended up becoming my long term boyfriend. So it was a done deal that we’re just best friends.
Juliana: Never. We are best friends and will always be. I appreciate our friendship way too much to ruin it.
What is the best thing about having a best friend of the opposite sex?
Sher: I think the best thing about having best friends of the opposite sex is you get insights on things that you might not know and they are more than willing to share with you! Also I feel, girls make the best ‘wing-man’!
Sofia: Honestly, guys love having girl best friends and vice versa. We girls get to know all these dirty tricks that guys use and guys get the ultimate sort of “pick up line”, as official wingwomen!
Juliana: To me the best thing about having a best friend of the opposite sex is that they are not judgmental. I can really be myself around guys because they don’t care what you do and most importantly they don’t talk behind your back! They are also very trustworthy. Guys are easier to make friends with too, compared to girls. I’m saying this because I have had bad experiences with some girl friends in the past (backstabbing, two-faced etc). I hate dramas!
Do people often tell either of you that you should date? If yes, how do you react/respond to it?
Sher: Well in our case, people know that we are good friends and so far, we’ve never had people asking us to date. Some people are better off friends. I wouldn’t want to change a thing.
Sofia: Well, I’ve gotten that a couple of times but to me, I value them so much more as best friends and I can’t see myself being with any of them.
Juliana: Nobody ever told me that. I think this is because they know how our friendship is nothing but full on ‘bromance’. Haha!
Despite the social believe that guys and girls can’t be just friends, you two have managed to be just that. How did you manage that?
Sher: I completely disagree with the doctrine and I feel like it’s very outdated. I see a lot of people today with best friends of the opposite sex and it’s perfectly fine. I think how the three of us managed to maintain this was by ensuring ourselves and each other that there is no physical or emotional attraction involved, although my best friends are really hot but these girls are my bros and I wouldn’t change a thing.
Sofia: To be honest, I really can’t give you a straight answer because I’m not sure myself but if I had to say, I would say it’s the respect we show each other. I am lucky to have guy friends that respect me enough to not take advantage of the friendship. We respect, love and value our friendship so much that we would never want to mess with it.
Juliana: I disagree with that term. A guy and a girl can be just friends. Friendships to me, are stronger than anything else and I think we’ve been able to stay best friends because we keep it real with each other. We are very open with each other, we’re a crazy bunch and I am also blessed to have guy friends who are such great listeners.
Apart from these sets of best friends, we also spoke to a few people who disagree with the fact that guys and girls can be in a platonic relationship. Here’s what they had to say:
Amir: I don’t think a guy and a girl can just be friends without being physically attracted to each other prior the friendship. If they’re friends prior the friendship, it would be because the girl has friendzoned the guy.
Joanne: I don’t think it’s possible. Especially if they’ve had history together. I wouldn’t like my boyfriend being friends with girls or going out with other girls without me.
Nick: A guy and a girl cannot be nothing but friends because guys tend to overthink and when girls use them as a shoulder to cry on, they tend to misunderstand the situation and magically believe that the girl has feelings for him.
Allyah: Maybe it’s just me but I’ve never really been close friends with a guy. I always end up having feelings for the guy and it causes things to get awkward when he doesn’t feel the same way.
Andy: I as a guy say it’s not possible because I wouldn’t like my girlfriend hanging out with or talking to other guys. I don’t like it because when I was single, I would hit on a lot of girls.
What do you think — can guys and girls be just friends? Sound off in the comments!
