Should you stay friends with your ex? This is the question that often pops up in our heads after we’ve gotten out of a romantic relationship. Whether you’re the heartbreaker or the one who has been left butt-hurt crying, it’s definitely difficult to let go of someone after you’ve made so much memories and spent such a great deal of time together. Although there has always been an ongoing debate regarding this topic, is it really advisable for us to be friends with our ex? Read below to find out why you should or shouldn’t.
You Should …
… If you’ve stopped getting attracted to the little things he does
Imagine the time when the both of you are out with a group of friends having a drink at a bar. You then notice his gorgeous smile and have the urge to kiss him but let’s face it; you can’t. Not only is this mentally and emotionally torturing, having these urges would only leave you digging back into the past and that’s definitely a no-no.
… If you can talk about your personal lives without the awkwardness
You’re ready to be friends when the both of you can talk about your personal lives freely without the expectations and without constantly bringing up the past. If you’re really keen on being friends, you have to accept that he’s going to build a life without you as his partner. You also have to understand that you cannot magically resolve the recurring issues from your romantic relationship because you are now friends. Let’s just say you’ve hated his smoking habit since the first day the both of you met. Within the context of friendship, you no longer get a say in how he leads his life so self-control is key and you shouldn’t be telling him what to do.
… If the both of you have had a substantial cooling off period
Being friends with your ex could turn out to be a good thing if only the both of you have had some time to cool off after your break-up. We believe that the longer your relationship, the longer your cooling off period should be. We’re not asking you to avoid him at all costs and even on social media, but make sure the both of you have had some sort of distance in between to really figure things out and have had proper closure to your failed relationship.
… If you know how to choose your time and venues wisely
If you’ve decided to stay friends with your ex, be very aware of the locations and the time of the day you choose to meet up. Having a friendly brunch at 10 a.m. at a nearby café is acceptable but having shots and a couple of martinis at a bar right after midnight just screams ‘WARNING: DANGER ZONE AHEAD’. We hope you get the drill.
… If you’ve stopped reminiscing about the sweet memories you’ve made together
It’s okay if you think of him every once in a while but if you’re still wishing that he’d cuddle you to sleep or you’re still pondering about the romantic spa getaway the both of you have had after six months of breaking up, then it’s time to reevaluate your life and cut out all that nonsense no matter what it takes. If you’ve really moved on and acknowledge these memories as a part of the past, then great, you can now proceed.
You Shouldn’t …
… If you’re looking to rekindle the feelings between the both of you
Only be friends with your ex if you know deep down that you’ve let him go completely. By this we mean that you have to be wholly honest with yourself about whether or not you have overcome that entire phase of grief and acceptance. Getting hung up over him and pining constantly for his love and attention again would only cause your memories to haunt you and makes it very difficult for you to meet a new potential partner.
… If you’re still emotionally-dependent on him
You can’t be dialing his number every time your car breaks down or be running to him for comfort every time you’ve had a heated argument with your dear parents when you’re no longer in a relationship. He can no longer be your shoulder to cry on and he is entitled to a life of his own, separate from yours. Instead, try to seek consolation from your family and friends. If not, learn to be a strong and be your own hero.
… If you won’t be able to accept that he has someone new
If you’re not ready to see him with someone else, then that’s a clear sign signifying that you shouldn’t think of being friends just yet. Whether he is seeing someone else as a rebound or he has really taken an interest in her, you have to acknowledge the fact that he is no longer yours and that you shouldn’t be poking your nose into his business. Don’t go around spreading nasty things about the other person just because you’re upset.
… If you’re still awfully bitter over your crappy break-up
If you still hate on him for all the ways he had mistreated you and you’ve been pinpointing every little negative aspect about your ex, then you’re definitely not ready to be friends. All the friendly-level conversations you attempt to start might just leave you absolutely infuriated. Consequently, you might also be verbally-attacking him about all the things he didn’t do to keep up with your expectations and about what could have been.
… If you know the both of you would end up in bed
Do not ever keep your ex close if you know that the both of you would not be able to resist each other physically. We know that it’s very nice to have someone fill the void when you’re feeling a little lonely but sleeping with your ex is extremely unhealthy emotionally. You’d just be succumbing yourself to a giant loophole of confusion and anxiety about your current status, whether you should have the talk with him and also what comes after that.
Do share with us your thoughts on the issue and whether or not it’s probable to stay friends with an ex. Comment below!
