I find that self-confidence is one thing in life that’s truly hard to obtain. Hardly a journey, and more like a battle with all your insecurities, and I’m not just talking about body image issues. It could be the way you mingle with people or how bold you’re willing to be to give a speech. Thing is, we’ve all got our own problems to deal with and there’s really no one else who can help you be confident, but yourself.
I wouldn’t say I had a rough childhood. Personally, I think I was bullied most as a child in kindergarten. My family lived in Petaling Jaya at that time, and I don’t want to sound rude when I say this, but PJ kids are mean! I remember very well there was a clique of four girls (yes, like Mean Girls) and they would pick on me every chance they get. Whether it’s what I wore, how my hair looked like, or what the contents of my bag was. They’ve even managed to destroy kindergarten property and then pinned it on me. When I wasn’t with my parents, I was quiet. I hardly ever spoke to anyone except for people I felt comfortable with so whenever I was victimized, I kept my mouth shut. It was easier to live life to keep things to yourself than creating unnecessary drama. Clearly, I was one sensible 4-year-old!
By the time I was 15 and we had dial-up fixed at home, I spent a lot of my time reading self-improvement articles. They were interesting, and I wanted to find ways to improve myself. I’m not as articulate, but I knew I had a winning smile and a slightly twisted outlook in life which comes off as humorous to other people. Or some of them, at least. Yahoo Search was the big deal that time, so my search bar was full of words like ‘confidence’, ‘self-image’, ‘appearance’, and worst of all, ‘how to be liked by everyone’.
I wasn’t totally disliked in school. Personally, secondary school was a breeze. I had a best friend, an awesome role as librarian and a goal – to earn as many As as I could and I was smart enough to fend off potential bullies. I personally think I do well as a 22-year-old now. I can survive being in a crowd of people I’m not used to and adapt to the things they’re interested in.
How to fend off naysayers and critics
Learning how to barricade the negativity in your childhood does a lot for your adulthood. Which is why I feel so many adults have trouble trying to feel comfortable in their own skin.
You don’t need a list of 10 ways to be confident. All you really ever need is to live by these two rules:
Believe in Your Qualities
Everyone’s born with a certain flair for something. Whether it’s your eccentricity, your knack for silly jokes, or whatever your skill is, believe in them. Don’t ever neglect your flaws too. Acknowledging what your flaws are and realizing how minute they are in life will also be a life saver. I know I have somewhat of a winning smile, but smiling is hardly ever enough when you want to make a lasting impression, so I worked on my personality. Picking up on a couple additional ways to boost your presence pays off, but if don’t force it or else you’re just being someone that you’re not.
Living Up to Expectations is Never Enough
If you have any body image issues, this is the one rule to live by. The media is at fault for advocating how a woman should look like. No two women are physically created alike unless if you were twins. But here’s the deal – different heights and different proportions already indicate your unique physical qualities. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a little overweight, or don’t have the body society expects you to have. And when you do work your butt off to achieve that figure, is the world going to give you an award? Will you be praised and accepted into more social groups? Probably, but what does it say about you? That you’d have to look a certain type to fit in with the rest of the world. And do you really want to live in a jaded world like that? I’ll walk on burning coal before I’d even think about saying yes.
So, there you go – a cheat-sheet to confidence and self-acceptance that does not require you to browse the ‘Self-Help’ section of a bookstore, trying to find the one book with the most convincing title. If someone people can believe they’re unicorns, why not you?
