I’m not really a feminist. ‘Feminist’ is actually a really strong word and compared to a lot of the hardcore feminists who really do their bit in changing the world, they earn the right be called feminists. But feminism isn’t all about wearing your bandana like Rosie the Riveter, or fighting to the deep end just to give yourself the chance to stand with men. Feminism is about respecting your gender, expecting nothing less than what you’re worth and proving it along the way. This is where I get into a topic that everyone likes to hear – dating.
Do you like going on dates? I do. I like the whole idea of meeting someone new, hearing what he has to say about his life, his thoughts on long-haul flights, horror flicks, among some of the many interesting topics in the world. A lot of women feel that men should take the tab on a first date, however there are women who do pay their share because they feel they guys should not owe them anything, and vice versa.
I’m always one to pay for my share during the date. And even if a guy refuses my offer and pays for the bill anyhow, I still tend to pay my share or compensate in other ways like paying for coffee. Because that’s what feminists do. Right?
I know you’re probably thinking that I would lead off to something nasty, but I’m not that kind of girl.
I don’t blame a guy for wanting to pay for a bill. I can’t say for sure if it’s because it’s a tradition handed down by Adam, or is it because it helps them feel more in control of the situation they are in. I have paid for an entire date out of my own pocket before, and believe me, if you wanted to feel like you’re a woman on top, paying for an entire date helps. Just don’t make it a lifetime habit, because I feel men are more likely to go overboard with their orders. I generally try to pick something cheaper than what the guy orders from the menu.
A lot of my male friends don’t mind paying for their dates, but it appears they would much prefer if a woman paid for her share as it now appears to be respectful. I can actually see that happening. I was going out with a man who felt that women who never offered to split the bill, and expect the guy to pay all the time, are just as bad as prostitutes especially when they go home with the guy. I’m not going to point out that every woman who expects a guy to pay all the time’s a prostitute, but some of us are just natural-born queens.
But another dilemma comes to play when a woman offers to pay. It appears that paying for your bill can make a guy feel that he does not appeal to you, or that you want to take things casually (in short, the friend zone). I can somehow see that happening. Many girlfriends tell me that I should let a guy pay for the first date because it apparently does good for his ego, and that I’m sharing signs of interest. I can see the logic in it, but I reckon we should have a cultural guru from the 1900’s to tell us what should be done. After all, it’s really not about the money.
The issue on first dates could go on forever. But my advice? Offer to pay at least. And if he does, buy his coffee or dessert after. And if he refuses, send him fresh-made cookies. Who would ever say no to cookies, right?