No couple has gone without being in a single argument in the course of their long-term relationship. Even if you’re the most compatible and happiest couple in the world, at some point, you will eventually disagree with each other. Arguments are common in a relationship, and can be a constructive approach to settle disputes. However, at times, when you’re angry, it might be all too simple to say something regrettable. This is especially true during disagreements with your partner, since you have years of shared experience to draw from to utter a comment that pierces like a knife. And it’s important to remember that once anything is said, it can’t be taken back.
Arguing fairly in a romantic relationship entails having spats, while maintaining respect for the other person – but it’s also crucial to steer clear of unhealthy arguing behaviour, like blaming, shutting down, and name-calling, as these almost always make things worse. It’s helpful to keep in mind that the key to any successful disagreement is listening and communicating, rather than competing or attempting to harm the other person. Likewise, never say anything you don’t intend to. Here are some of the worst things you can say in a heated fight.
‘I should have never married/met you’
There are few statements that are more emotionally charged than this. This cruel and toxic comment is made in jest. Furthermore, it completely disregards the genuinely enjoyable times you have had together. If you find yourself disagreeing with your partner, stay on subject to prevent the dispute from devolving into a verbal brawl.
‘You’re just like your mother/father/etc’
This is a lose-lose situation, because it insults not only your partner, but also their closest friends and family. No matter how angry you are, never say this to your partner, because you will undoubtedly touch a nerve. When you and your partner are arguing, keep a cool head because it is impossible to take back harmful remarks.
‘I will leave you/cheat on you’
This can be threatened occasionally if one partner believes they aren’t receiving enough attention in the relationship; or it can be expressed out of annoyance at anything that isn’t going well in the relationship. Threatening to have an affair seriously undermines your partner’s sense of security in the relationship, and causes the partnership to become very unstable. Focusing on the current problem is preferable to making hollow threats, even if you’re only saying it out of rage, which is usually the case.
‘I’d rather break up with you’
Threatening to break up is cruel, and can make your spouse feel anxious long after the argument is over. Never threaten to end the relationship in the middle of a fight unless you are really prepared to do so. It’s wise to take a step back and calm down if you and your partner are now threatening to break up. Make a commitment to meet again soon (or the following day) to discuss the issue at hand with a clearer head.
‘You never changed’
You’re not being fair to your partner when you bring up old grudges. In fact, you can even end up hurting them unnecessarily. Once a problem has been discussed and settled, you should throw it in your mental garbage can and never bring it up again. After a disagreement, criticising your partner for never changing can seem unjust because they may actually be attempting to alter their behaviour. Keep your arguments relevant once more.
‘I can find someone better’
You already know that using this statement should be avoided. Any relationship expert will tell you that bringing outside people into the conflict (even in the form of a casual mention) is the kind of tactic that most couples are unable to overcome. And I would say the same. This will cause your partner to continue to question or wonder if there is anyone else, even after everything has settled. This statement is a recipe for emotional disaster because trust is the cornerstone of all enduring partnerships.
‘Sure, good luck with that’
Sarcasm. It’s good for a relationship, but it doesn’t help solve conflict. Snark like this only comes off as petty and spiteful in an argument, when it has no place in an honest discussion. Despite the fact that it may just look like a simple jab, the underlying tone is one of “You can’t do it,” “What are you thinking?,” and “Go ahead and try.” Just be patient instead of being sarcastic.
‘Do you even love me?’
It’s crucial to keep in mind that even in the thick of a disagreement, you and your partner are still a team and on the same side. So it is never a good idea to doubt one another’s love. The love in the partnership shouldn’t be invalidated by a disagreement. You’re doing irreparable harm to the relationship when you criticise your partner’s affection, or proclaim your own lack of it. Even if two people are in love, they can still disagree. In actuality, your love will help you to resolve the conflict.
‘Forget it. You’ll never get it’
You’re essentially signaling that you feel your partner no longer knows you if you dismiss them by suggesting they won’t “understand.” You’re actually sending the message, “I don’t even want to talk to you or I feel like a stranger to you,”. Some arguments get off topic and can send one into a downward spiral. Instead of pushing away your partner, you could make them understand. It’s not wrong to repeat certain things just so they can get the clearer picture.
‘This conversation is over’
Totalitarian attempts to end a discussion give the message to your partner that they have lost your attention and are not welcome to speak with you any more. Even in the midst of an argument, abruptly ending a discussion sends the message to your partner that you are unavailable. We are social organisms with a biological need to interact with others. This method of cutting off communication will intensify feeling or cause a detachment. Both of these responses have the potential to weaken a relationship’s bond over time.
This is what we call “stonewalling”. It’s the act of shutting down or remaining silent during a disagreement. And it’s a wholly ineffective strategy. The message you give is “I don’t care” if you abruptly end the conversation since you won’t try to find a solution. Additionally, it prevents additional compromise because you’ve effectively ended the conversation about the current problem. It’s acceptable to need some time alone if you’re upset, but make sure to tell your partner first and promise to get back to them later. These tips can prevent an argument from becoming nasty.
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