Being in a relationship can bring out the best in you and your partner. While a candlelight dinner and sipping your favorite wine in your DIY cozy setup can be heartwarming, relationships are not always a fairy tale once you have crossed the border of the honeymoon period. There will come a time where you and your partner will share disagreements, bickering over the pettiest issue and then, the root of any relationship, trust issues.
Once you and your partner have passed a certain duration in your relationship, covering key aspects of trust, understanding, support, friendship and love, you will then move to another phase called, the “reality phase”. During this period, facades will be removed, puppy love takes a downhill, and when you least expect it, reality kicks in. All of a sudden work and friends have taken a step up the priority ladder and your controlling instincts surfaces, because no one like to hold a loose reign.
If it’s any consolation to you, this is a common plot in any relationship. If how you maneuver your story to keep it fun, interesting and solid at the same time. Being in control all comes is a warning signal. Nobody likes be to controlled, especially in a relationship because that’s the place for many to recharge, be themselves and feel loved. If you’re under constant surveillance, it can get suffocating and then, your partner might start to ignore you more, leaving the relationship feeling dreary.
So, the question is, are you being a controlling partner in your relationship? These are 4 key signs to look out for to know if you’re being controlling and how you can fix it before one of you show the red flag.
1. You constantly check your partner’s phone
If you have been secretly sneaking into your partner’s phone in their absence, you have to abstain from doing that. It clearly highlights that you do not trust your so-called ‘better-half-‘. To make matters worse, if your partner catches you while you’re doing your detective work, it could either change your entire relationship, or worst case scenario, it could end. Nobody like a snoopy partner. If you have your doubts, have a sit down and converse like adults. You and your partner are in a relationship for a common purpose. So it’s always better to lay things straight. If you feel your partner is hiding something or being untruthful, make a decision for the betterment of your future.
2. You interfere with their friendships
If you don’t get along with your partner’s friends, the best way forward would be voicing out your opinion courteously, instead of dictating who he/she should be friends with. Your partner is friends with them probably longer than they’ve been with you. Understand that it’s never your call to tell your partner how to lead their life and who they should mingle with. Unless of course they’re completely toxic to your partner’s life, then it’s best to voice it out with facts and supporting reasons. In addition to this, you can’t make a big deal about them spending time with their friends, and believe they should be spending time with you, and you alone. Your partner needs some space from you as well, just like how you need one too. So understand this and respect your partner’s life outside of your relationship.
3. You try to change them
There you go. You promised to love and support your partner the way they are and now, you start to change them. If you genuinely fell in love with your partner for the way they are, then there’s no reason for any changes to take place. Unless of course you thought you could change them once you have them head over heels on you. For instance, telling your partner what to wear, and expecting them to actually follow through is another. This type of control probably stems from the fact that you’re extremely conscious of the image you and your partner portray to the world, or you’re somewhat embarrassed by how they currently are. Either way, you should let your partner be who they truly are.
4. You try to have your partner with you all the time
There’s no denial that being in love is great and one of the best feelings in the world to experience. However, as individuals, you and your partner need to also go on with your life, focusing on other matters. Every healthy relationships need their own breathing space, be it to blow off some steam or tap onto your other side. You have to balance it out. If you can’t spend some time away from your partner and resort to blackmailing them to come back, then you’re being completely unreasonable and over-controlling. During their time out, embrace ‘me time’ and do things to keep yourself and mind occupied. Read a book, watch that movie you’ve been longing to watch alone or have a girl’s night out.
