Whoever said casual dating was easy, clearly needs to rethink that statement. We all like having fun and having a friend with benefits is no biggie but it can get messy. Like it or not, it is never just sex — especially if it is constant sex with the same person. Emotions will somehow get involved and someone will eventually end up hurt. Unless you are sleeping with a different person each time, casual dating can get very frustrating.
Here’s why:
1. Not knowing whether you are going to spend the night or not
The general idea of one night stands is you do not stay over, but you are not having a night one stand. You are and have been sexually involved with the same partner for a while now and you stay over sometimes but you are not certain if it is going to be that way all the time which leads to you being unsure of how to pack or not pack. Maybe you wisely brought along a change of panties, and it does not happen. Or you didn’t bring anything and it does, next thing you know, you’re showing up in work in inappropriate attire.
2. The persistent fear of STDs
Even if you use condoms, and I sure do hope you are, you will never know who else he could be sleeping with. And you cannot ask him about it because that’s not part of the arrangement. You are not exclusive and he is free to sleep with whoever he wants.
3. You feel the need to look good all the time
He has never seen you at your most comfortable and vulnerable state. You feel the need to sleep with your makeup on or wear the cutest but not so comfortable pyjamas or sexiest lingerie that you reserve for these occasions.
4. You are going to have sex even if you are both tired
Say you see this person once a week, and you have only just recently started having sex with them and you probably both tidied up down under in preparation for this so honestly, no matter how exhausted or not in the mood you both are, you are still going to have sex. You might not even enjoy it but it is your duty as post-date sleepover partners.
5. Debating with yourself about texting him
Should you text him first? Should you wait for his text? It is a never ending debate with yourself because you do not want to end up looking clingy or needy and if you do text him first, you wind up staring at your phone waiting for him to text you back. Five minute passes…ten minute passes…half an hour passes…there goes your productivity.
6. Your friends don’t meet him
He is not your boyfriend, not yet at least so your friends don’t meet him and it’s kind of dull when you want to talk about it. You know you feel when your friend talks about someone you don’t know and you’re just sitting there lost? Yeah. It’s like that. Also, it’s harder from them to help decode his words, actions and well general existence.
7. To cuddle or not to cuddle
Is cuddling with a casual sex partner even cuddling? Or is it just lying in a gridlocked position with someone whose last name you don’t even know? You be the judge.
8. Conversations about the future is non-existent
Casual sex means no commitment. So you have to consciously hold back from saying things about the future. Even plans like a cookout next week is not to be discussed.
9. Staying in is too intimate
You can never just stay in and chill because it is too intimate for you both. There always has to be some kind of plan, even if it’s just going to a bar which can eventually be a turn off for some.
10. You might not have sex as frequently as you want to
Casual dating is may be all about the sex but that does not necessarily mean that you will have sex as often as you like. You would probably have sex once a week or once every two weeks and that becomes a problem because you won’t be able to learn about each others’ styles, preferences and needs.
11. Difficulty defining the relationship
After casually dating the same person for a while, you will want to know where it is going. “Are you exclusive?”, “Are you a couple?”, these questions will arise in your head and you won’t know when to talk about it. He will probably just be as confused as you are.
12. The need to juggle multiple guys
You will have to juggle multiple guys to avoid getting hooked on one. I’ll say it again, use a condom.
