You know what they say, what doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger. While we’d like to put both fights and murder out of the equation, arguments are no less crimes of passion in our books. Some say that the occasional fight is necessary for intimacy but the truth is it shoes that you both care enough about the relationship to want to solve it rather than just sweep it under the carpet.
As crazy as this sounds, disagreements can bring you and your man closer if you both approach issues maturely without it spiraling into a huge spat. Here’s how you can communicate your conflicts well and still come out stronger at the end of each argument.
Everytime you feel upset over something, reflect over the issue especially if it;s something small. Could it be that there are underlying issues? Sure you’re angry that he didn’t do the dishes but you’re also upset over the fact that he forgot your anniversary the day before but you lash out on him over the dishes. To a guy, he may think, “It’s just the dishes, why is she getting all upset about it?” and this may blowout into a major argument. So calm down and identify the real issue so you can both work on that instead.
Also, the moment you start yelling or nagging, guys tend to tune out (observe the next time you both get into an argument!). There are a few things nobody likes: repeating yourself and fighting dirty. Don’t bring up the past, don’t be sarcastic, and don’t call each other names. Be respectful even in the face of anger because the hurt will last even after you both patch up. Again repetitive remarks will bring on the mental mute button.
During an argument, the one who first brings up an issue is usually the one who wants to win. Instead of demanding an apology and getting the other to admit that ‘you’re right’, try to understand that not all arguments can be resolved at once. Explain slowly to your partner, be willing to compromise and give them time to slowly make changes.
And more and more issues can be brought up depending on how much are left unspoken throughout your relationship. Be clear about what you both want and make sure that you both come to a unanimous and mutual decision. For example if he’s going to be working late, he should call or text you.
Unlike office politics, you don’t want to ambush your man into a corner with a long list of debate points and counter arguments you’ve been preparing with for the past week. Neither do you want to send him a bitchy email about it because not everyone is good communicating over text and misunderstandings are bound to happen.
After all that’s said and done, you may not be able to undo the anger instead, try to focus on what makes you both a great couple. Focus on his best qualities and his good points as it’ll help put him back in a more positive light. Sometimes we dwell on the little things that we hate that we fail to see the big picture.
Send him a nice email or text, thank him for listening out the problem and that you love him. Even during or towards the end of the argument, never push each other away in disgust. Pat them on their back, hug them or stroke his or her hair to let them know you care, it does help even if it’s very little.
It takes a lot for a person to still want to show that they care towards the other even at their emotional worst. Even the most compatible couple has fights occasionally but what they do with it and how they deal with it will either break or strengthen their relationship.
Remember that life is too short to stay angry at each other. Fight for each other but not with each other!
