Ideally, the first date should be exciting, interesting, nerve-wrecking, and a host of other emotions. To prepare, people plan the perfect outfit, location, conversation topics, etc—so they feel like they know what to do. But in reality, dating often just reminds you how f*cked-up people are. That said, a first date can also turn into the perfect storm of hormones and tactlessness.
I can’t count the number of first dates I’ve been on that quickly devolved into a quick therapy session with my girls. Once I had dinner with this guy and he started to show how many ‘’matches’’ he got on Tinder. It was traumatizing. I was like, Honey, no—you have to keep that to yourself. And then there’s this one who dude who can’t stop mentioning his ex, like, you couldn’t keep chill about your ex for one conversation? I don’t want to know about your ex-girlfriend who cheated on you. I want to think of you as a new butterfly who’s spreading their wings for the first time and flying to me. Duh.
It can be really easy to screw up the date by saying or doing the wrong thing. If you want to make them say “aww” instead of “ugh,” here are 5 things you definitely shouldn’t say on a first date:
1. Politics Is A No-No
As passionate as you might be about your political views, leave it out of it. You should never mention them on a first date. It’s one of the quickest ways to upset the other person and ruin your date.
Here’s a tip: Instead of asking your date what they think of the election, ask them if they prefer their lives to be simple or complex. People who prefer complexity are more likely to be liberal while people who prefer their lives to be simple are more likely to be conservative.
2. Forget About Your Ex (Please, For Once)
Just like you should never ask about your date’s love life, you also should also never bring up your own, especially your exes. When you mention your ex, it prompts your date to think two things:
- You haven’t gotten over your ex or,
- You have a lot of baggage from that relationship that would make being in a relationship with you difficult.
Focus on getting to know your date. Past relationships can be discussed once you’ve developed a deeper relationship with someone. Even then, please be considerate whenever you want to bring up whatever you and your former partner used to do. I’ve been in that kind of situationship before.. Big yikes.
3. It’s Too Early To Be Talking About ‘’Marriage’’
The purpose of a first date is to ‘’interview’’ each other—to chill, sit back, and ask good questions. Not in a manic, manipulative way. But in an attempt to work out: Are you special enough for me to share myself and my feelings and my ideas with you? (Basically, are you cool, or nah?) Rather than busting in like a maniac asking ‘’Oh, how many kids are you planning to have?’’, ‘’What’s your dream proposal look like?’’ Hold up, Darling, I’m trying to be more present in the moment.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t straight away discuss your dream wedding with someone on a first date, go ahead if it feels right. But the goal should be to go in without preconceived notions or an agenda, and just feel it out; to just be yourself—and less desperate.
4. ‘’So, wanna go back to my place?’’
This may seem like an innocent question, but it’s just a first date. Asking it implies you want to have s*x right this second, which puts your date in an awkward position. Even if you both really like each other, and want to keep dating, it can be more fun—and—safer to get to know them better first. If things are going really well, try going out for coffee or a late night movie instead.
5. Hide Your Insecurities, Folks
“Life really isn’t working out for me”, ‘’I just got out of a fight with my co-worker’’, ‘’My parents don’t really care about me’’, ‘’I just found out that I’m adopted’’. Sirens! Your date doesn’t want to hear about all your troubles. Everyone, especially when they’re younger, is going through a transitional period. If you don’t have a lot of money, need a better job, or something else is disappointing you in your life, it’s okay. And if they like you for you, they won’t care either.