So you and your partner had an argument, what’s next? It is very common to have arguments with the people close to us, especially our partners, because of the closeness they share with us. To some extent, arguments are considered ‘healthy’ and ‘necessary’ in every relationship because you tend to understand the person better. Of course the argument we mean here is nothing serious or severe. If you’re in an abusive or toxic relationship, you’re better off getting help from a third party and getting out of the relationship soonest, because frankly, you’re not worth enduring the pain and suffering.
An argument can spark from the tiniest issue like tone of voice or choosing something to watch on the TV, to other common relationship problems. Whatever caused the argument, you know things need to heal between you and your partner before things can go back to normal.
So how to heal from a heated argument and how long will it take? It all depends on what caused the fight and the individual’s behavioural pattern. For some, it takes a day to recover, whilst others may take a few days, or even weeks before things reset.
Once you know the stages post-argument, you’ll be able to handle yourself and your partner better.
Stage 1: The volcano eruption
So the volcano erupted and the lava is piping hot. This is the time when both of you shouldn’t touch each other’s lava as it might burn you further. The best thing to do at this stage is give each other some alone time and much need thinking space to calm down. Remember, to not pour oil on the fire. At this stage when both of you are bursting with anger, frustration and disappointment, nothing can be resolved until the air is much calmer. So giving each other some space will do your relationship good.
Stage 2: The “you’re not visible to me” phase
This stage could be during the same day or the next day when the both of you would despise having each other around your air space. If you’re staying under one roof, then seeing the other around might evoke the anger or dissatisfaction from the argument. It is very common for partners to give cold treatment to one another. Do not get upset if your partner refrains talking or acknowledging your presence. Similar to stage one, cooling down does take a while and it does not necessarily happen overnight. Occupy your time with other things. Keeping busy will divert your mind from the argument itself which will make it easier for you to calm down.
Stage 3: The small talk phase
This is a crucial stage. It is when both of you start communicating. Even a “where are you going” or “what time will you be back” means both of you are positively healing from the fight. However, be cautions at this stage and avoid over-doing the talks, expressions or delve into the argument. You want to keep it short and sweet because the anger may have subsided but the feelings have not completely overturn yet. If you jump into resolving the fight or even talk about it, it might get you both into a whole ‘new’ argument. When that happens, the first argument’s pain overflows into the new one, causing a deeper heartbreak. You can always discuss the argument when you know things are completely normal and both of you are laughing once again. Remember, pain and anger threshold vary from people to people and it’s best to know where it lies between you and your partner.
Stage 4: We’re good, but not completely there yet
Getting to this stage means it is a great improvement. You guys are in talking terms but not 100% lovey-dovey yet. Keep the communication progressing smoothly. Do activities together to ease whatever friction left between the both of you. Exchange information or just talk about your day. This is a recovery phase in which both of you have forgiven whatever was said and done during the argument, so you need to plant more care and love to reset things. Watching a romantic movie is highly recommended. Who knows you or your partner might just extend a hand to hold, or a gentle lean on?
Stage 5: Let’s hug it out
Ah ha, the best stage ever, when both of you finally hug it out. The victorious feeling gushing all over your body while giving you a sense of complete calmness. At this stage, you do not want to say or do anything that would ruin the triumph after going through the grinding stages of resentment. Simply let things be happy and loving between the two of you. Emotional talks can wait, because they are proven to ruin the happiest days for people when time’s not right. Let the happiness sink in while letting go of any sorrows and start afresh. Best thing to do would be a romantic date night, because love conquers all.
