“I kept it to myself because it was an embarrassing thing: I was bigger than she was..When people hear about rape, they think of a man raping a woman. It’s hard to envision one woman raping another.”
Rape is one of the most brutal things that can happen to any woman and the common misunderstanding is that only men do it to women but what’s equally traumatizing is when a woman forces herself upon another woman. According to statistics, 75% of rape victims require medical care and half of the victims sustain injuries that are not a direct result of the act of rape itself. It gets scarier.
In the U.S, a woman is raped every two minutes and half of these unspeakable acts are committed by someone the victim knows with 25% of them being an intimate partner of the victim. The idea of a female on female rape is often brushed aside and mocked by the community and law reinforcements that the victims eventually choose to remain mum about the ordeal instead of reporting it to the police.
Rape is not a women issue, it’s a human issue.
Lesbian rape is hardly recognized because people feel that for rape to happen, there needs to be penetration with a penis or a foreign object into the female vagina. In fact even lesbian activists themselves admit that they did not realize these acts of violence until recent years.
Today, lesbian rape is defined as assault by forcible stimulation of external sexual female genitalia or forced penetration by another woman is possible with the use of strap-ons, dildos, other foreign objects which could include a tongue (inserted or external) in forced oral, forced digit manipulation (in masturbation by force) and digital penetration.
The truth is, nobody knows what lesbian rape is like that even when it happens, women themselves do not know that it’s happening to them because there are no graphic depictions or understandings about it. What is depicted in pornography cannot be taken into account because halfway throughout the video, the “victim” begins to enjoy the rape and because it’s fake, there are no repercussions.
With that sort of mental image and association to lesbian rape, it’s easy to understand why authorities take this very lightly.
The lesbian rapist, at least up until now, can be almost certain that she will not get caught or punished. It’s not a risk taken by a crazy person, or an angry person; it is a practical, considered, and virtually unpunished act. Most victims do not know where or how to get support in terms of health and justice. They also fear that people may misunderstand them as lesbians as a result.
Women who are sexually assaulted by women experience the same short-term and long-term emotional consequences of the assault as women who are assaulted by men. These may include post-traumatic stress symptoms of fear, trouble sleeping, nightmares, dissociation, anxiety, and sexual problems. Sexual violence may also lead to difficulty trusting others, needing time off from work, inability to concentrate, and a host of other stress-related consequences.
If you have been assaulted sexually by another woman (or even by a man), here’s what you need to do (Source: ourbodiesourselves):
1. Get support
Silence will only empower the perpetrator of the crime. Reach out Get the support you need. Reach out immediately to a trusted friend or family member, or call a hotline listed in the Resource section for help. Having this support will be critical if you encounter homophobia or insensitivity in the process of reporting the crime or getting medical attention, which can be a stressful experience. Some rape crisis centers provide an escort to the hospital or to report the crime.
There are numerous bodies in Malaysia you can seek help from namely the Women’s Aid Organization (WAO-03 7956 3488) and All Women’s Action Society Malaysia (AWAM-03 7877 0224).
2. Seek medical attention
Sexual assault may put you at risk for STIs and infections. If you have injuries, you will also need treatment. Even if you are unsure if you will report the crime, you should have a Rape Kit exam. Consider going to hospital for this exam, if there is one in your community, even if you are not gay, since they will likely be most sensitive to your experience. It is important not to shower before going to the doctor.
3. Report the rape to the authorities
Laws vary according to country in terms of what constitutes rape or sexual assault, contact a women’s NGO for help and further advice.
4. The healing process
If you experience ignorance, transphobia, or homophobia during this process, do not give up. Continue to seek the support you need: It is out there. As time goes by, continue to have a support system in place. Talk about your experience; find a therapist or support group. You are not alone.
Always stay strong, stay calm and never give in to anger even though it may be difficult. You may wish you were strong enough to prevent it or to say no but sometimes it’s not that simple and it can be shocking when someone whom you know and trust forces themselves upon you. Lesbian rape is not common but it happens and the consequences can be just as traumatic if it’s done by a man.
