When a guy really likes you, it’s usually pretty obvious. Same goes when he doesn’t really fancy you, too. Your friends have been yapping about how lackadaisical he is about you and your family has probably intervened as well — but for some odd reason, you just can’t see it yet.
There is nothing more exasperating in the world of dating than a guy who seems really interested but then also maybe not, but then yes, and ends up with a no again. The uncertainty is real and you’re the one left deeply hurt when a guy seems to fall somewhere in between. So, why do you let him?
Here’s why you should stop being too available for this guy who just won’t commit:
1. You’re at his disposal
He disappears for days at a time and then texts you the sweetest message you’ve ever received. He says he really cares about you, but doesn’t really act like he does. And while you’re on this topsy-turvy ride, all you want to know is does this guy like me or not?!
You see, a guy can be somewhat interested, but not into it. Instead of seeing it for what it is, women usually make up excuses and justifications to rationalise the bad behaviour. They say he’s sending mixed messages or playing games or is afraid of getting hurt. Stop creating excuses, you’re only lying to yourself.
2. You’re wasting your time
If his calls or texts are few and far between, he isn’t interested enough to have anything beyond whatever it is you have right now. A guy pulling out the excuses card early on is always a bad omen.
For all he knows, you have a line of guys waiting for their shot with you and if he actually wants you, he won’t risk some other guy snatching you up while he was too busy working on a project. Don’t chase away the possibility of you meeting other people just because some guy put you on hold.
3. You’re not dating with dignity
So don’t. You weren’t born to be a doormat. If a guy shows no interest or excitement over finding out who you are, it’s not a good sign. He may want to hang out with you, he may want to hook up with you, but that is not the same as committing with you.
Stop picking up his 2am calls, ’cause you know what that’s for boo — le bootay. And no, you didn’t push him away with your insecurities, he’s just wired that way. If a man likes you enough, he’ll work through all that anxiety. Your toxic man will only find you irresistible when you’re finally over him, and we all know what happens we he starts lurking again.
4. He’s made up his mind
..And you’re not it, you never have been and never will be. Forcing him isn’t going to change anything because you’ll only push him further. You just can’t force feelings, or commitment, for that matter. The last thing you want is to force him into a relationship he clearly doesn’t want.
Deep down, you want him to want to be in your life and fight to remain apart of it. Unfortunately by now, you probably know that ultimatums aren’t always the best option. It would only work if he truly cared about you or wanted you.
5. He has way more baggage than you know
Get this: He is more afraid of being hurt than he wants you to believe and he can hide any pain around the fact that he was never truly emotionally invested. Why would he?
Your toxic man has been burned too much in the past, or perhaps his own parents had a far from thrilling relationship which completely tainted his views of having a pure committed bond. In fact, you probably have never even heard anything about his past. That guy could have been raised by wolves for all you know.
6. Put yourself in his position
Would you date your side piece seriously? When a guy sees no such potential, he’ll offer up the bare minimum. You’ll get the basics though: all the things you can easily find out on Facebook. To him, you’re probably just a filler — someone who can fill his time while he figure things out.
A guy who won’t commit doesn’t want to be included in your life plans. He could easily be the nicest dude in the entire world, but he’s not going to get down on one knee and change your life, if he’s just not that into you.
7. You run on different operating systems
You desire deep connection, intimacy, commitment, longevity. But when you come close and offer these things to him, he feels suffocated, panics, and either bolts or sabotages the relationship by criticising your ways and being unreliable.
What works for you does not always work for him. Let’s look at it this way, you’re an iPhone while he’s a Samsung. Although both OS are equally superb, it doesn’t mean that the pair can work on the same phone. They’re just not.. compatible enough.
8. You’re not in a movie
This is as real as it can be. As we all know, despite every indication that Mr. Big was an emotionally unavailable commitment-phobe (and that Aidan was the sweetest, most perfect guy ever), Carrie Bradshaw ignored the red flags and ended up with the guy who’s been her source of endless heartache in Sex And The City.
Yet, we’re supposed to be happy for her questionable relationship choice and trust it’ll all work out because, you know, happily ever after? Time to get woke, peeps!
If you’ve been heartbroken by the guy who “isn’t looking for something serious right now“, remember that you are capable of more than you believe and wiser than you think. Hold your head high, wear your lipstick sharp, and never let your mascara run for a f-ckboy.
