We all love kids when they’re young because they always express how they truly feel, no holds barred but as they get older, they learn to withhold their feelings and certain details from you. In short, they learn to lie. This can be difficult for many parents who will often times try to get their children to divulge the truth with threats or through physical bullying.
As a parent you will feel disappointed and upset because you’ll feel that you can trust your child because she’s not honest with you and lying can turn compulsive to the point when you may not be sure when she’s lying and when she’s not.
When your child resorts to lying, you need to calm yourself down and understand they are not trying to hurt you or be unethical. As kids, they don’t want to get in trouble when they’ve done something wrong so they try to cover up their mistakes by lying to avoid punishment.
Every child lies at some point or another:
1. They lie to get out of trouble.
2. They lie to get rewarded.
3. They lie to get attention.
It’s important that you draw limits to this because they will realize that it works and may keep using this method inappropriately as they grow up. When it comes to lying, most parents either over-react or simply do nothing about it. Parenting is no walk in the park especially if you both are working parents.
Some children lie like it’s an everyday thing and parents can’t understand why they need to lie when it’s so much more easier to tell the truth. There are kids who like about what they did at school, whether they’ve showered, about their friends and hobbies. Some kids feel the need to exaggerate the truth in order to fit in.
The problem with allowing little white lies is that children will start seeing it as an acceptable way to solve our problems and will only encourage them to repeat it. Children also follow from example so if they see their parents lie to each other chances are they’ll do it too especially when there are no negative consequence.
Here’s how you should handle the situation if you ever catch your child lying to you. Stay neutral and objective instead of blowing up and losing your temper. Don’t scream at them how you can’t trust them anymore. Think about it, if he’s always been truthful, one lie does not mean a child will go bad so stop overthinking.
Always deal with the situation patiently and tell your child that lying is serious behaviour and deny him certain privileges temporarily to reinforce the fact that it is not okay. Children, regardless of age, tend to withhold the truth whenever they fear they will be punished or misjudged.
Be honest with them, talk to them politely, treat them with respect and allow them to share their side of the story first. Accidents happen and all you can do is to help them avoid making the same mistake again. Be consistent everytime this happens in order to gain their trust as it makes it easier for them to be honest with you.
Was it easy to follow through on this decision? Not at all. I understand how hard it is for parents to handle difficult situations like this one. Often it takes a great deal of energy as a parent to be consistent, but it’s so important to have consequences and follow through on them. And it’s the best way to show your child that you can be trusted to be there for them.
Don’t beat yourself up if you feel that your child has a tendency to lie, it doesn’t mean that you’re a bad parent because it’s what you do with this knowledge that will determine the type of parent you are.
