It’s never a bad thing to have standards, especially in a relationship. In fact, everyone should have them. Would ever get into a relationship with someone with a very dark background? Everyone’s got a limit how a person should behave, their values, their abilities, interests and much more. A lot of people tend to stress out when their partners don’t meet their standards, but that might be due to superficial standards you focus on setting that you completely forget the fundamental needs.
Everyone’s entitled to be picky when it comes to meeting someone you intend to be with for the rest of their lives, but they should be realistic. Relationship standards are minimum requirements, but setting high expectations could lower your opportunities, leaving you lonelier, angrier and even more unfulfilled. So, do we just “settle” with what we have, or do we stay true to our requirements? Here are a few things you might want to think about.
While we do insist on meeting someone that share the same interests, look just the way we want them to, love doesn’t always flow in the same river we always want it to. Set proper goals like these:
• Someone I feel attracted to
• Someone who genuine likes me and wants to be with me
• Someone honest, trustworthy and faithful
• Someone I am comfortable with
• Someone with ambition and goals
• Someone who gets along with my family
These are some of the standards we should all set when it comes to looking for the perfect partner. The trick is to make a list of fundamental requirements you look for in a partner, not a wish list. (Source)
Setting a specific list of requirements does not mean you’ll meet someone who’ll meet all your requirements. There’s going to be a lot of negotiating involved. The world, luck or “destiny” isn’t really in control when it comes to love, but you are. If you have the ability to influence someone to meet your needs, it might happen. Once you can actively recognize your standards, communicate and enforce them and soon you’ll be able to influence your partner to be the person you want. But do not mistake your influence as demands. Your partner will react at his own level of comfort. If he constantly battles it, then it may be time to move on.
Some people set the lowest of standards from difficult times in life. It’s hard to deny that all we want is just someone to call our own, but that can backfire too. Having low expectations and “settling” could lead to unhappiness or being prone to emotional abuse, which is never a good thing. This comes from a lack of being in a healthy relationship, and it’ll be extremely challenging for you to be with someone you really deserve.
No one’s perfect and if you are willing to give all the attributes that make a healthy relationship, you deserve to expect it in return.
Remember, you are free to set and demand the relationship standards. You are after all, we are in charge of our own happiness, even if it means a long struggle of heartache.
