Picture this: you meet someone new and happily date for a little while. Everything was great—the connection is great, there is chemistry, and uh the sex is so much fun!
But then, you stop replying to their texts right away. You keep making excuses and cancelling dates, you avoid talking about taking things to the next level. Your partner expresses frustration, disappointment, or even anger about your behaviour. Not long after, the partner breaks up the relationship. If this happened to you, chances are, you might be self-sabotaging your relationships.
1. Fear of rejection
You might start pulling back from the relationship or start to become distant. Worse, you avoid anything that leads to bigger commitment: meeting parents, moving in together, etc. You’re always wondering, “If it goes wrong, how can I extricate myself easily from this relationship?”.
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse whose aim is to deny the other person’s reality or experiences. For example, if your partner says: “I’m really upset that you canceled our date last minute”, you respond with something like: “It’s your fault I canceled. Stop blaming it on me.’’
You might start pulling back from the relationship or start to become distant. Worse, you avoid anything that leads to bigger commitment
You always worry that your partner might be seeing someone else behind your back. You demand control and require constant contact. When they spend time with other people without you, you call, text constantly, experience jealousy, and ask for proof that they’re being faithful. C’mon, if you couldn’t trust your partner, I suggest you to not be in a relationship. Simple.
Holding a grudge against your partner means that your anger never really goes away. It takes a lot of energy to stay mad. Regardless of what else your partner does, you will always come back to those grudges. Let go, forgive. Heal yourself.
5. Low self-esteem
“I’m not as smart as you.” “You’re just with me because you pity me,” etc. This is a sign of low self-esteem, and most people do not enjoy being told that they love someone who is worthless. When, despite their constant reassurance that you are a good person, you keep tearing yourself down. Listen, learn to love yourself first and foremost. This is self-pitying and it could lead to toxic behavior of constant reassurance.